


paris nights / new york mornings.

by pyroallerdyce



Series: a dyad in the force (aka all my ben/rey fics) [188]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24315040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyroallerdyce/pseuds/pyroallerdyce
Summary: He’d noticed her across the room since the moment she’d first walked in, silky brown hair framing her face in a perfectly coiffed yet totally disheveled look.  The tight black trousers she was wearing clung to her ass nicely, but something simply had to be done about the striped button-down shirt that covered her torso.  Ben had a few ideas about that, most of them centering around him accidentally ripping the shirt to shreds while trying to get it off the goddess before pushing her onto a bed and having his way with her, but he was keeping those ideas to himself.or:  Fashion designer Ben has just ended his relationship with his model girlfriend, and he forms a connection with makeup artist Rey while he tries to deal with that.  Meanwhile, Ben's co-designer Poe has his eyes set on their intern Zorii, but Zorii welcomes the attention.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Other Relationship Tags to Be Added, Poe Dameron & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Zorii Bliss/Poe Dameron
Series: a dyad in the force (aka all my ben/rey fics) [188]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601755
Comments: 81
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the summary is probably atrocious.
> 
> Still trying to work out what this one is but the idea came to me this morning and won't let me go, so here we are. I know absolutely nothing about fashion and models and all of that, but for some reason I came up with this. So don't be like expecting some sort of realistic portrayal of that because I simply do not know.
> 
> Slow burn ahead.
> 
> This will be updated on Thursdays, but not necessarily every week.
> 
> I do not need another thing to be writing but my brain doesn't want to cooperate with me on that.
> 
> title stolen from the lovely Corinne Bailey Rae song.
> 
> and as always, if you like what you read, then please let me know via a comment or kudos or bookmark so that I know I'm not writing into a void. enjoy!

**paris - september**

He’d noticed her across the room since the moment she’d first walked in, silky brown hair framing her face in a perfectly coiffed yet totally disheveled look. The tight black trousers she was wearing clung to her ass nicely, but something simply had to be done about the striped button-down shirt that covered her torso. Ben had a few ideas about that, most of them centering around him accidentally ripping the shirt to shreds while trying to get it off the goddess before pushing her onto a bed and having his way with her, but he was keeping those ideas to himself.

Unlike Poe, who was going into detail about what he’d like to do to Zorii, their intern who was standing across the room talking to the goddess in the horribly striped shirt. “Oh, God, and then I’d totally…”

“Who is Zorii talking to?” Ben interrupted, looking over at him. “I don’t recognize her.”

Poe gave him an annoyed look. “I was trying to tell you something.”

“Poe, you are my best friend and the creative genius behind the label, but I don’t need to hear about what you want to do with strawberries, chocolate sauce, and our new intern,” Ben said seriously. “And if you want to do it so badly, drag Zorii upstairs and fuck her already.”

“Yeah, and get slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit when she quits the next day? No, thank you,” Poe said, bitterness in his voice. “I’ve already learned that lesson.”

Ben just shook his head. “Not everyone is going to be like her, okay? You’re going to have to trust someone again.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve sworn off workplace romance,” Poe said. “Maybe I’ll get a chance with her when she leaves us to go work for Gucci or something.”

Ben sighed heavily. “This from the man who yesterday wanted to hire Zorii permanently once she graduates.”

“Did you see her sketches? We’d be fucking insane to let her go,” Poe said. “But hiring her means making a personal sacrifice that I am not yet prepared to make.”

“You’re an idiot,” Ben murmured, reaching for his drink. “Back to my original question. Who is Zorii talking to?”

Poe got a waitress’s attention and motioned that the two of them needed more whiskey. “Were you paying attention backstage or not? Because Zorii introduced us both to her earlier. The new makeup artist she hired to run things. Rey something.”

Ben nearly dropped the glass he was holding, his mind going back to the woman he was introduced to earlier that afternoon. Bandana covering her hair, smudges of foundation and blush all over her face, oversize t-shirt, and faded worn-out jeans. There was no way that was the same person. “That’s not her.”

“That’s totally her,” Poe said, smiling when the waitress approached the table. “Merci, mademoiselle.”

“De rein,” she said as she placed the bottle on the table and walked away.

Poe picked up the bottle and pulled the glass from Ben’s hand, setting it down so he could refill it. “Why do you care who she is?”

“I don’t,” Ben said a little too quickly. “I just didn’t recognize her.”

Poe paused with the bottle tilted halfway towards the glass and glanced over at him. “Solo.”

“I didn’t recognize her.”

“You have Kaydel.”

“Kaydel has nothing to do with this,” Ben snapped. “I just didn’t recognize her.”

“Kaydel is your muse! Kaydel is our leading model! Kaydel has everything to do with this!”

Ben grabbed the bottle from Poe’s hands and refilled his glass, then exchanged the bottle for the glass and downed the entire drink in a couple of seconds. “We are not talking about Kaydel.”

“No, we are totally talking about Kaydel now,” Poe said, taking in the look on his friend’s face. “I’ve been dying to ask you where she is anyway. I haven’t seen her since the end of the show.”

Ben sat there in silence for several minutes, his gaze trained on where Zorii and Rey were still talking before he sighed heavily and closed his eyes. “I went to her dressing room after the show,” he said softly. “Didn’t knock ‘cause I never do, just walked in. Found her with that Beaumont kid’s dick in her. I may have fired them both on the spot and walked out.”

Poe stared at Ben for a moment before reaching for the bottle, refilling Ben’s drink, and sliding out of the booth. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.”

Ben looked up to see Poe disappearing into the crowd before closing his eyes and letting his head drift back to rest against the seat. He heard several bottles hit the table a few minutes later, felt Poe’s presence back on his left, but when he felt a presence on his right, his eyes flew open to see the gorgeous makeup artist sitting next to him.

“Got us more alcohol,” Poe said next to him, reaching under the table to quickly squeeze Ben’s knee. “I think Zorii deserves a reward for being the first intern to ever make our fall showing at Paris Fashion Week go smoothly, and she said that a lot of that was down to Rey’s expert running of the makeup center, so I invited them both to join us. Hope you don’t mind.”

Ben sat up straight and glanced over to were Zorii was sitting entirely too close to Poe. “Excellent idea, Poe,” he said, giving him a pointed look. “After all, we should be making the most of this lovely Paris night, don’t you think?”

Poe glanced over at Zorii briefly before reaching for the closest bottle of alcohol. “Indeed. Drinks?”

**********

The elevator ride up to the floor their hotel rooms were on was more than a little awkward and Ben could tell that Rey was uncomfortable in the close quarters. Poe had apparently forgotten everything he’d declared that he wouldn’t be doing earlier and had Zorii pinned up against the wall, tongue deep in her mouth and a hand up her skirt. It was a sight that Ben had seen plenty of times before, but where most of the employees that Poe had trained his sights on had gone along with sleeping with their boss out of what Ben had perceived to be fear for their jobs, Zorii was responding to Poe’s touch in a way that made him think that this was different.

He caught Rey flinching out of the corner of his eye when Zorii let out a particularly loud moan of Poe’s name, and Ben shifted closer to her, leaning close to whisper. “Is your room on our floor?”

“No,” Rey said quietly. “Two floors down. Nearly there now.”

“Press the button for it,” Ben said gently. “I guarantee you things will be quieter in your room than they would be in mine.”

Rey stared at him for a moment before reaching over and pressing the right button, slowing the elevator to a stop almost immediately. When the doors opened, Ben followed her out of the elevator, making sure that the button for the floor Poe needed was pressed before the doors shut. He suppressed a laugh when neither Poe nor Zorii even noticed what had happened. He smiled at Rey once the elevator was on its way again, and Rey started walking down the hallway, coming to a stop in front of the last door on the left.

“Can I ask you something before you come in?” Rey asked softly, looking over at Ben with curiosity in her eyes.

“Sure.”

“What are you expecting?”

Ben sighed heavily and leaned up against the wall, his earlier fantasy of ripping the striped shirt to shreds passing through his mind. But he could tell by the tension in Rey’s body that admitting he wanted to fuck her through the mattress was probably a bad idea, and so he opted for truth of a different nature. “Company.”

“What kind of company?” Rey asked, her voice a little stronger. “Because I am not prepared to give you what Zorii is giving Poe.”

Ben didn’t say that he had figured as much. “Honestly? I walked in on my live-in girlfriend with someone else’s cock in her after the show and I just don’t want to be alone. But if you don’t want me to come in, say so. I’ll understand.”

The curiosity in Rey’s eyes faded into something softer and more concerned, and she slid the key into the lock without saying another word. “Room is small,” she said as she opened the door. “But there is a minibar and I’m a good listener.”

“Perfect,” Ben said, walking into the room when Rey motioned for him to. “Being a good listener already makes you a step ahead of Poe.”

“He seemed very preoccupied,” Rey said as she closed the door behind them.

“He‘s always lost inside his own head,” Ben said, sitting down on the edge of the bed when he noticed that there seemed to be no chair. “I’m sorry this room is so shitty. We just don’t have the money for better accommodations for everyone.”

“It’s not a problem,” Rey said, kicking her shoes off and sliding them towards her suitcase with her foot. “It’s better than the rooms I am used to getting as a lowly makeup artist. You want to see what’s in the minibar?”

“Probably better than I don’t,” Ben said, running his hands over his face. “I’m drunk enough as it is.”

“Okay,” Rey said, coming to sit down next to him. “Then I will just listen.”

Ben sighed heavily and glanced over at her. “You mind if I lay back?”

“No.”

Ben stood up then laid down on the bed properly, smiling when he saw Rey situating herself in a seated position near the end of the bed. “Did you meet Kaydel today?”

“Kaydel? Yes. Zorii said I needed to do her makeup because she didn’t trust any of the others to do it. She said they all wanted to make her look like a man.”

“That was half the fucking point,” Ben growled irritably. “Androgyny was the fucking theme of the show.”

“I explained that to her. Then I told her there was a way we could do it that she would be comfortable with, and we got there in the end. She looked good.”

“Yes, she did,” Ben said, slinging an arm across his forehead. “That’s why I slipped off and wanted to lock her in her dressing room and have my way with her. That’s what we always do after shows. Poe charms the press and I go fuck my muse. But today, there was someone else in her dressing room already doing that, that fucking Beaumont kid that I knew was trouble from the moment we hired him.” 

Ben slid the arm down over his eyes when he felt tears building, not wanting Rey to see him cry. “Fuck, I hate that she gets to me like this. Every fucking time she does this, she gets to me. This is the last fucking time though. I fired them both on the spot and walked out of the room, and Kaydel knows me well enough to know what I meant by that.”

Rey was quiet for a moment, then Ben felt her move around until she was lying next to him. “She’s done this before?”

“Every couple months or so,” Ben admitted quietly, feeling absolutely pathetic. “I’ve never told anyone about it before, and I’ve always believed her bullshit excuses and forgiven her because I still love her. But no more.”

“I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but she’s a model,” Rey said softly. “From my experience, unfaithfulness is the thing they are best at, even better than modeling.”

Ben moved his arm away and glanced at Rey. “Who?”

“I will not name names,” Rey said seriously. “But there have been a few who have charmed me, drew me in, and then used me in every way you could possibly imagine before throwing me away. I am sure you have seen something similar with others who have worked for you.”

“I don’t really pay that much attention, to be honest. I’m always so wrapped up in Kaydel and the designs. Poe knows everyone who works for us far better than I do.”

“Maybe you should get to know them better then,” Rey said, smiling softly. “So, when did you and Kaydel meet? The first time you hired her?”

Ben shook his head and slid his arm back over his eyes. “No, which is what makes it all even worse. She's only a fucking model because of me and Poe. She was nothing more than my girlfriend from back home when we first moved to New York. I met Poe at school, we started coming up with these amazing designs, he came up with the money to start the label, and we needed someone to model the clothes for photographs and stuff, so we drafted in Kaydel. Soon people started seeing the photographs and getting excited not only about the clothes, but about her too, and she started getting other offers. And I encouraged her to do it. Now I wish I hadn't, because clearly it's destroyed our relationship.”

“People change. I think you both have probably changed and things aren't the same, but instead of talking about it with you, she goes and finds someone else to take her mind off of it. It's such a terrible thing to do, but sometimes that is what happens.”

“You sound like you're speaking from experience again.”

“I am,” Rey said softly. “But we are not talking about me. Can I ask a difficult question?”

“Depends on the question.”

“You've made it clear that this isn't the first time this has happened, so I ask, are you sure you still love her?”

Ben laid there in silence for so long that Rey was certain he had fallen asleep, but then he suddenly shifted onto his side and stared into Rey's eyes. “I'll answer if you answer the same question about the guy who has clearly hurt you so badly.”

Rey sighed heavily and brought her hand up to run through her hair. “I have thought for many years that I did,” she said eventually. “But I have realized that I don't still love him. I love the idea of what he was supposed to be.”

“I love my girl from home,” Ben said softly. “But I don't love who it is that she has become.”

Rey reached over and squeezed Ben's hand gently. “Then I think you walking in on her was the best thing that could have happened to you today.”

“You,” Ben started, interrupting himself with a yawn. “You are probably right.”

“You clearly need some sleep,” Rey pointed out. “But there is nowhere here for you to sleep.”

“Kicking me out are you? It's alright, I can handle my room,” Ben said, laughing slightly. “I learned a long time ago that when it came to business trips with Poe, earplugs were a wise investment.”

Rey laughed as they both stood up, and she walked with Ben to the door. “It was an honor to work on your show today, Mr. Solo, and even more of one to have just shared that conversation with you.”

“I'm only Mr. Solo when I'm in a boardroom trying to convince investors to hand over their money,” Ben said, shaking his head. “Call me Ben, please.”

“Alright then, Ben,” Rey said, holding out her hand to shake. “Perhaps we'll get the chance to work together again.”

“I'll make sure of it,” Ben said, shaking Rey's hand. “Even if that means begging Zorii for your contact details before she quits now that she's gotten involved with Poe.”

“Wait,” Rey said, walking back to her suitcase and digging through it for a minute before returning to Ben with a business card in hand. “There.”

Ben studied it for a moment then smiled. “London, huh? I'm going to make sure you're around to work the next London Fashion Week for us then.”

“It would be my pleasure.”

Ben turned towards the door and opened it, pausing just out in the hallway to turn around and tug at Rey's shirt. “I want to shred this shirt, you know. It's one of the ugliest things I've ever seen.”

Rey laughed. “I make sure I don't dress like a model when I go to after-parties. I don't like getting hit on.”

“Still want to shred it,” Ben said, smiling. “Goodnight, Rey. Someone from the label, hopefully Zorii, will be in touch.”

“Good. Goodnight, Ben,” Rey said, shutting the door to her room.

Ben stood there long enough to hear the lock be done up, then slowly walked towards the elevator, fingering the business card in his pocket and feeling much better than he had earlier. By the time he got back to his room, it was obvious that Poe and Zorii were getting along extremely well, but instead of reaching for his earplugs, he stripped off his clothes and climbed onto the bed, letting his eyes close and his hand drift down his body. He stroked himself to the symphony of moans and groans that were coming from the room next door, and the image in his mind when he finally came wasn't the usual one of Kaydel, or of what might be happening on the other side of the wall, but of a makeup artist whose business card was still in his pocket.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't feel like waiting till Thursday to post this. So, here.

**new york - october**

It was entirely too early in the morning for Ben to be awake, but his body was still on European time after three weeks in London, Milan, and Paris, so it didn’t care about the fact that it was only five a.m. in New York. He wandered around the apartment aimlessly before ending up in the kitchen making himself some coffee, trying desperately not to think about the fact that Kaydel could show up there at any moment.

He hadn’t seen or heard from her since that day in Paris a week ago. He didn’t really know how to feel about that.

His coffee made, he sat down at the table and reached for his sketchbook, determined that if he was up that early, he might as well be doing something productive. As he flipped through it to find a blank page, a business card fell out from between its pages, and when Ben picked it up, he smiled at whose it was.

Rey’s.

Ben flipped the card around in his hands for a moment before really taking a look at it, and when he noticed the email address on the bottom, he decided that the polite thing to do was to thank her for letting him drunkenly ramble about Kaydel for a while. He reached across the table and grabbed his laptop, quickly signed in, and then he brought up a blank email and typed the email address into the appropriate space.

And then he stared at it because he wasn’t sure what to say.

For twenty minutes.

He got up and refilled his cup, still trying to think of what to say to Rey. He’d never been the best with words, always leaving Kaydel sketches of various things instead of love notes, but he couldn’t send Rey a sketch to convey his thanks. Taking a long sip of his coffee, he set the cup to the side and began to compose a message.

_Rey,_

_This is Ben Solo from the Solo Dameron label. I hope the day is finding you well._

No, no, no. That sounded too professional for a personal email.

_Ben Solo from Solo Dameron here. Thank you for your work on our show during Paris Fashion Week, and for listening to me ramble about the cheating bitch for a while afterward._

No, no, no. It might have been a personal email but that wasn’t professional enough.

_It’s Ben. Solo. From Solo Dameron. You worked our show in Paris? Hopefully you remember me._

No, no, no. That sounded just ridiculous.

_I hope that you don’t mind me sending a personal email to your work address, but I have no other way to contact you and I really need to offer up thanks for talking to me that night in Paris. You listening to me ramble about Kaydel for a little bit helped me not to completely self-destruct that night. I’d already drunk way too much and if I hadn’t been able to talk with you for a while, I would have gotten even more fucked up in my room and that wouldn’t have been good for anyone. The label barely makes money as it is. Having to pay for destroying a Parisian hotel room would have probably made Poe kill me._

_Thank you, as well, for helping to make the show a success. We managed to close a deal to sell our clothes in stores across Europe that will help keep the label open for a while, and that would not have happened had the models not looked their best. I know that you did not personally do the makeup on every single one of them - I don’t even know if you did anyone but Kaydel’s - but from everything Zorii says, you knew of the right people to hire and the right way to get things done in a timely manner. Hopefully, you will be available to work with us at future shows because I sort of consider you a good luck charm now. We’d never had a successful Paris Fashion Week before._

_I’m sorry if I’ve just wasted some of your time, but I felt like I needed to say thank you. I don’t know what my future holds now, but I feel like I can face it a little better because of our conversation._

_Thank you once again._

_Ben Solo_   
_Owner and Designer, Solo Dameron_   
_New York_

Ben read through what he’d written ten times before deciding that he didn’t sound like too much of an idiot, took a long sip of his coffee, and then pressed send. Sliding his laptop back across the table, he set the business card to the side and turned back to his sketchbook. He didn’t really have anything in mind as he began to draw, not particularly inspired to create something incredible, and he was halfway through a drawing of the horribly striped shirt that Rey had been wearing that night before he even realized it. 

He stared at the drawing before sighing heavily, and he went to rip the page out of his book when his laptop let out the beep that signified a new email. Setting the sketchbook to the side, he reached for his laptop again, clicking through to his inbox. A reply to the email he’d just sent Rey sat there unopened, and he reached for his coffee and took two really long sips before clicking to open it. Ben didn’t know why he was so nervous to read the response, but he took a deep breath before beginning to read.

_Ben,_

_Thanks are not necessary. I always try to be a friend to those who need one, and you really needed one that night. I related to what you were saying more than I care to admit, and I’m glad that I was able to help you even the tiniest bit. I’m also glad that you didn’t trash your hotel room. That really wouldn’t have been good._

_It was my honour to work your show and I hope that we are able to work together again in the future. Zorii has already been in contact with me about the February shows and I’m really hoping that we can make it work so that I’m available for all four major shows instead of just Paris. Whether we can or not, whenever I get a chance to, I’m looking forward to working with Solo Dameron again._

_Feel free to email any time, okay? I’m more than willing to keep listening if necessary. Who knows, maybe helping you through this will help me at the same time._

_Rey Palpatine_   
_Jakku Cosmetic Artistry_   
_London_

Ben had a smile on his face by the time that he was done reading, and he slid the laptop away and picked up his pencil. The drawing of Rey’s shirt was finished in no time, and Ben stared at it for a long time. It wasn’t the right thing to inspire a whole new collection, but it was something that could inspire at least part of it, he thought. He polished off his coffee and headed towards the bedroom, deciding that if he was up, he might as well do his laundry from the trip.

At least if he was doing that, he might not be dwelling on Kaydel.

Or concentrating on a shirt that he’d still like to rip to shreds.

**********

**london - october**

Rey had just finished replying to Ben’s email when she heard the door open, two voices echoing into the room where she was sitting. “About time you two got here!”

“Sorry, Rey, but the lines were super long today,” Finn said as he walked into the room, bending down to give Rey a hug. “Welcome home.”

“Only for a couple of weeks,” Rey said. “Then I’m off to Venice for a magazine shoot.”

“Ooh,” came Rose’s voice. “What magazine?”

“Vogue,” Rey said, smiling as Rose set two bags full of food on the table in front of her. “I have absolutely no idea how I got this job.”

“That’s amazing,” Finn said, sitting down next to Rose. “Hopefully your efforts during the past four weeks get you more jobs.”

“I’ve pretty much already booked myself a gig for all four weeks in February, so that’s exciting.”

“With what label?” Rose asked as she pulled containers out of the bags, opening up one before handing it to Finn. “Because you worked with a lot of different ones this time around.”

“Solo Dameron,” Rey said, accepting a container from Rose. “They were really impressed with my work, and then I had a pretty personal conversation with Ben Solo in my hotel room, and well, he just emailed me, so I think it’s safe to say that I’ve formed a connection there.”

Rose nearly dropped the container in her hand. “You had Ben Solo in your hotel room?”

“Yes,” Rey said, regretting she had ever said that. “And no, I didn’t fuck him.”

“Rey,” Finn said seriously, “you had Ben Solo in your hotel room and you didn’t fuck him? Are you insane?”

“No, I am not insane, thank you very much,” Rey said firmly. “There was absolutely no reason for me to fuck him. None.”

“It’s called working your way up in this business,” Rose declared. “And you know it works like that.”

“And you know that I don’t work like that,” Rey shot back. “Ben and I had a much more personal time together talking than we would have had if we’d fucked and then he’d left before dawn. Leave me alone.”

“One of these days, Rey, you’re going to end up paying the price because of your stance on things like this,” Finn said.

Rey rolled her eyes. “Just stop, okay? Not everyone is you two.”

“Was us two,” Rose clarified. “I fucked Finn to further my career and he knows it. We just learned to love each other along the way.”

Finn laughed. “I got very lucky that she gave in to my advances that night. Very, very lucky.”

“Whatever, can we move on, please?” Rey asked, shaking her head. “I don’t need to hear any more about this.”

“You’re going to have to move on from him at some point. I hope you realize that,” Rose said as she passed out the plastic forks. “I don’t want you to be alone for the rest of your life.”

“I’m not going to be,” Rey said seriously. “I will move on when I find the right person to move on with. It’s really that simple.”

“Let her be, Rose,” Finn said, standing up and heading towards the refrigerator to get them drinks. “Everyone wants their usual drink?”

“Yes,” the girls both said. 

“How did the photographs come out?” Rey asked, trying to change the subject. “That church is so beautiful.”

“They came out great,” Finn said as he sat back down. “I think the Earl and the new Countess will be pleased.”

“That’s great,” Rey said, grabbing her soda and opening it. “And the stuff you did at Fashion Week?”

“The stuff I did for McQueen turned out amazing,” Rose said. “I can’t wait to see them published.”

“My photos turned out really well too,” Finn said, smiling. “We’ll have to show you before we leave.”

Rey grinned. “Can’t wait to see them.”

**********

**new york - november**

“You asked Zorii to have dinner with you yet?” Ben asked when Poe sat down next to him. “Or are you still refusing to turn your sexual encounters into a relationship?”

“I don’t do workplace relationships anymore,” Poe said seriously. “And I am waiting for the day when she wants to leave the company, so no, there are going to be no dinners out.”

“You’re an idiot,” Ben said, reaching for his sketchbook. “Please tell me you’ve got something because so far I’ve got nothing.”

Poe looked over at him in surprise. “Nothing? Absolutely nothing?”

“That’s right,” Ben said, sighing heavily. “Kaydel was my muse. Right now I don’t have one to be inspired by.”

“Solo, we need to kick the design process into high gear. We need to start making samples to see if the designs work in practicality or not. I need sketches from you.”

“If you think I don’t know that, you’re wrong,” Ben said firmly. “But I’m telling you that I have no sketches. I was hoping that I could look at yours and see if they inspire something.”

Poe sighed and handed over the sketchbook. “There you go. Figure this the fuck out.”

Poe stood up and walked away before Ben could say anything, so he just opened up the sketchbook instead. He flipped through all the sketches that he’d seen until he came to some loose pages that were clearly from a different sketchbook, and he stared at them for a few moments.

They were fucking incredible.

He glanced down to see who had sketched them, saw Zorii’s signature, and was up off the sofa before he could think about it anymore. He found Poe at his workstation, and he dropped the sketches down in front of him. “We need to make these.”

“Ben, those are Zorii’s, not ours,” Poe said, looking up at him. “I agree that they’re amazing, but…”

“But we need to forgo the internship and hire her full-time as a co-designer,” Ben said seriously. “She deserves that and we need her help.”

Poe sighed heavily. “I know that what you’re saying makes sense from a business point of view because we’d be insane to let her go, but, Ben, I don’t know about this.”

“Think about it, okay? We could have a special Bliss collection of things that Zorii designs. We’ve been talking about a secondary collection of clothes that could be sold in stores with a lower price-point, and the stuff in these sketches would be perfect for it.”

Poe took a deep breath and looked through Zorii’s sketches again. “Hm. You are right about that. They are more of every day, wear to work styles than what we usually design.”

“Exactly,” Ben said. “And that could potentially make us a lot of money because we could sell them to a chain that could put them in a lot of stores.”

“We’d need to talk to her about this,” Poe murmured. “But I have told you before that we’d be crazy to let her go.”

“Then the three of us should have dinner tonight and discuss this.”

Poe shook his head. “You better not be saying that just to ditch us so that I’ll have dinner with her.”

Ben laughed. “If we didn’t need to discuss business, then I might have done that. But we need to discuss business.”

“Then I’ll talk to Zorii about dinner tonight,” Poe said, folding the sketches back up. “Are you done with my sketchbook?”

“Haven’t even looked at your sketches yet,” Ben replied. “Just saw hers and needed to bring this up.”

“Then go fucking look through them already. I’m going to need that back to get back to work.”

“I’ll be done in ten minutes, I promise.”


	3. Chapter 3

**new york - december**

Poe opened his door, a bright smile crossing his face when he noticed Zorii was standing there. He reached out and grabbed her by the wrist, yanking her into the apartment and slamming the door behind them. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. “Morning,” he mumbled into the kiss, sighing happily when he felt Zorii’s hands close around his hips. “Didn’t like waking up without you.”

“Sorry, but I needed a night alone,” Zorii gasped out as Poe broke away momentarily, then continued her thought into the next kiss. “We have a situation.”

“Mmm,” Poe said, sliding his arms around Zorii’s waist and pulling her towards his bedroom. “We can deal with it later.”

Zorii yelped when her legs hit the edge of the bed and Poe pushed her onto it, her smiling at the neediness in her lover’s eyes as he crawled on top of her. “Poe, we can’t. Not right now.”

“We can be quick,” Poe said, bringing his hands up to the buttons of Zorii’s shirt. “It’s been a whole day since we’ve had sex.”

Poe bent down and pressed kisses to the skin that was being exposed as the buttons were undone and the shirt fell away to the sides. “I didn’t come here for this,” Zorii groaned.

“So?” Poe mumbled into the soft skin along Zorii’s right side. “Doesn’t mean we can’t do it.”

Zorii gasped and her eyes drifted closed as Poe’s hand slid under her skirt. “I want it. I want it so badly. But we need to deal with this situation first.”

Still, Zorii arched up into the touch as Poe captured her lips in another kiss, mentally going through the schedule of the day to make sure they had time for this. Breakfast at nine with Ben, be at the location of the photoshoot by eleven, clothes prepared and ready for the models by noon, models ready for the cameras by one-thirty. She stopped her thoughts and suddenly remembered why she was there, and so she reluctantly put her hands on Poe’s shoulders and pushed until he had broken their embrace.

“Zorii, it’s not even eight! We have time!” Poe whined, but Zorii just shook her head.

“Kaydel seems to think she’s part of the photoshoot,” Zorii spilled out before Poe could say another word. “Her agent called Amilyn at six wanting to know why he hadn’t been given any details about the shoot yet, and she didn’t know how to tell him that he didn’t have any because Kaydel wasn’t working for the label anymore. I tried to speak to Ben about it because he’s the one who said he’d make it extremely clear that Kaydel no longer worked for us, but the moment I mentioned Kaydel’s name, he hung up the phone.”

Poe stared at Zorii for a moment before collapsing onto the bed next to her, burying his face in a pillow. “Those lousy motherfuckers,” he screamed into the pillow, though all Zorii heard was a bunch of muffled words that she didn’t understand.

She put a tentative hand on his shoulder and Poe shifted around until he was staring at her. “I have never met anyone so motherfucking stubborn as those two assholes in my whole life. This should have been resolved after fucking Paris, but was it? No. Ben turns into an idiot whenever Kaydel is involved. Ugh, where the fuck is my phone?”

Zorii shifted until she was sitting up as Poe rolled off the side of the bed onto the floor, tossing up pieces of clothing until he found the small black device. He settled against the wall and typed out a quick message to Ben, practically ordering him to call Kaydel and resolve this situation once and for all. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his messy hair, looking up at Zorii. “This has totally killed the mood, you know.”

“I’m sorry, but this has to be taken care of now,” Zorii replied. “The photoshoot is today. Once it’s over, you and I can have all the sex you want.”

“Oh, and there will be a lot of sex,” Poe said as his phone beeped. He clicked through to Ben’s response and scowled at the screen. “Ben, you motherfucking moron.”

“What?”

Poe held the screen up so he could see it more clearly and read off what was on it. “Kaydel’s asleep in bed, so you can come over and tell her she’s not involved in the shoot yourself. I’m bailing on breakfast. Forgot something I had to do this morning. Meet you at the location.”

Zorii stared at him for a moment. “Well, that explains why he didn’t want to talk to me about Kaydel this morning.”

“I’m not even going to get into the stupidity of him fucking Kaydel last night,” Poe said, an edge to his voice, “but he is going to hear about this bullshit he’s pulling later.”

Zorii watched as Poe tossed the phone to the side and stood up, stripping off his shirt before climbing back onto the bed. “What are you doing?”

“Kaydel won’t wake up before ten, and since we no longer have breakfast with Ben to worry about,” Poe said, straddling Zorii’s hips and kissing her soundly, “we can worry about other things for the time being.”

“Oh yeah?” Zorii said teasingly. “Like what?”

“Like the fact that you’re wearing far too many clothes,” Poe said, sliding her shirt down her arms and tossing it to the side. “And the fact that if I don’t fuck you soon, I’m going to die.”

Zorii laughed as Poe pushed her back to the bed and started pressing kisses along the base of her neck. “Well, we can’t have you dying, now can we?”

“No,” Poe said, laughing. “We most certainly cannot.”

**********

Rey was already there when Ben arrived at the diner. He waved at Maz as he walked past the counter towards the booth in the back, smiling at Rey when she looked up as he was sitting down. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Rey returned, murmuring thanks to the waitress as a cup of coffee was set in front of her. “Interesting place you picked.”

“The closest place to my apartment and your hotel,” Ben said, smiling at the waitress and quickly ordering a large orange juice before pushing the menu he had memorized out of his way. 

“I like it. It has character,” Rey said. “Now tell me what’s so urgent.”

Ben stayed silent as Rey perused the menu and the waitress came back with his orange juice, then quickly ordered his usual. Rey ordered scrambled eggs and bacon, and when the waitress walked away, she smiled. “What’s the usual?”

“Spanish omelet,” Ben said, reaching for his orange juice.

Rey studied him as he took a drink. “I’m worried about you. You don’t look so good.”

Ben sighed heavily and slumped down in the booth’s bench seat. “You know how you’ve been talking me out of insanity when it comes to Kaydel? I kind of need you to do it again.”

Rey clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “You kept saying that Paris was going to be the end of things.”

“It was,” Ben said softly. “But then she finally came back to the apartment last night, and I let her do her whole sweet-talking bit just like always, and then we spent the night fucking.”

“Oh, Ben,” Rey said, sighing. “From the sound of your emails, you were starting to do so well.”

“I don’t know what happened,” Ben said, sighing heavily. “Except I do know what happened. It was the night before something important for the label and I motherfucking panicked because we’ve never done anything without Kaydel before. No, I’ve never done anything without Kaydel before, and I guess I just felt like I needed her to be there for today.”

“That is not healthy,” Rey said, reaching for her coffee. “Being that dependent on someone is not healthy and I think it’s probably completely unnecessary. You have worked so hard, Ben. The label is the result of you and Poe’s combined work, not Kaydel’s. Yes, she may have been the face of the label, but just like everything in fashion, it’s time to move on to that next level. For fuck’s sake, you were the one telling me all of this in an email less than a month ago.”

“I haven’t designed a single thing since Paris,” Ben admitted quietly. “This whole collection we’re photographing today is all Poe and Zorii’s work. Kaydel was my muse. She’s always been my muse.”

“Then you need to find another muse,” Rey said, pausing to take a sip of her coffee. “I know it’s not that easy but that’s what you need to do.”

“I’ve tried,” Ben complained. “But everything that usually inspires me reminds me of Kaydel. Everything at home, everything about the city, everything about my life before moving to New York for school. It’s all Kaydel.”

Rey waited until the waitress had dropped off their food before continuing the conversation. “Surely there has to be something that exists in your life that doesn’t remind you of Kaydel.”

Ben bit back a laugh as he opened the paper napkin ring and unrolled his silverware from the napkin. “It’s absurdly silly.”

“Considering the fact that I worked a show in September whose designer said their collection was inspired by a dead bird that they found on their steps, I highly doubt whatever it is you have to say will be absurdly silly.”

Ben laughed openly this time. “You’re so telling me which designer said that. But, um, well, it’s kind of you and your ugly striped shirt.”

Rey paused with her fork hovering over her plate, staring across the table in disbelief. “Me? My shirt? The one you wanted to shred?”

“Well, yeah,” Ben said softly, reaching for the salt. “I sort of spend a lot of time thinking about how I could take that shirt, rip it to shreds, and then remake it into something that would look fucking amazing on you. ‘Cause, I mean, the only thing that was off about your appearance that night was the shirt. Your trousers were fucking perfection and made your ass look heavenly and your hair was styled just right to go with the trousers. But the shirt. The shirt was a fucking disaster.”

Rey set her fork down and stared across the table as Ben started to eat, unsure of how to respond. Eventually, she picked up her fork and started to eat as well, and not another word was said until both of their plates were empty.

“I freaked you out, didn’t I?” Ben said after the waitress cleared their plates away.

“No,” Rey said honestly. “I just didn’t realize that you had paid such close attention to me that night.”

“You have no fucking idea how gorgeous you are, do you? You were all I thought about from the moment I watched you walk into that party,” Ben said softly. “If you had been willing, I totally would have fucked you that night. But you weren’t and I think that’s actually worked out for the better.”

Rey decided that it was best to ignore what Ben had just said and to move the conversation back onto the subject of her friend’s on-and-off girlfriend. “So, what are you going to do about Kaydel then?”

“Go to work, rearrange the photoshoot so she can participate, and deal with this after the shoot is over. The shoot is the most important thing here. Poe will kill me if I fuck that up. We’ve got people from some high profile retail stores that are waiting for these photos and we’re hoping for a bidding war over who can sell the collection.”

Rey clicked her tongue again. “Ben, I say this as a friend, okay? The longer you keep this up with Kaydel, the more she’s just going to break you. And trust me, you don’t want to end up that broken. It’s been four years and I’m still trying to piece myself back together.”

“I want to know who it is that hurt you,” Ben said seriously. “I want to know so I can kick that man’s ass and make sure that he never models again. Or at least never models for us.”

“I told you already, I’m not naming names,” Rey said, glancing at her phone. “I have to go. I have to do some business stuff before I come to work the shoot.”

Ben watched as Rey stood up, shaking his head as she reached for her wallet. “Breakfast is on me.”

“Thanks,” Rey said, smiling at him. “I’ll see you at the shoot this afternoon.”

“See you later.”

**********

Poe took a deep breath before knocking on the door to Ben’s apartment, completely unsure of how he was going to inform Kaydel of the reality of things and mentally cursing Ben out for not doing it himself. But when the door swung open, it wasn’t the person that he‘d been expecting on the other side. “Ben, you’re an asshole.”

“I’m not even going to attempt to explain this to you because you will not understand,” Ben said, walking away from the door. “Kaydel will be taking part in the photoshoot because I am not having her ruin this extremely important day for us with one of her infamous temper tantrums, and after today is over, I promise you, I’ll resolve the whole situation.”

“Ben!” Poe exclaimed, exasperated. “You can’t change things on the day of the shoot!”

“Don’t worry, I’ve already informed Amilyn and she’s handling it,” Ben said, collapsing onto his bed. “I’m not ready to be without her, Poe. You’ve seen what I’ve been like since Paris. I’ve been nothing but utterly fucking useless. I still need her around.”

Poe walked over to the bed and laid down next to Ben, linking their fingers together like he always did when it was the day of something major for the label and it was obvious Ben was nervous. “Ben, I love you like you’re my brother so I mean this with all the love in the world. You do not need her to work. You do not need her to breathe. You do not need her at all.”

“Poe,” Ben started, but Poe kept talking. 

“You two were good together back in the day, but a lot has changed. She definitely has changed. And if she is so fucking pathetic that she’s going to cheat on you with someone else, then she definitely isn’t worth your time, your energy, or your love. Yes, you haven’t been very productive since Paris, but we all go through those periods. Remember what I was like after the Elizabeth debacle? You did everything for about six weeks while I sat there and drank a bottle of whiskey every day. 

“Alright, so your slump has been longer, but that’s to be expected. Elizabeth and I were together for a night. You and Kaydel have been together for years. But I’m not lying to you when I tell you that I think it’s time for you to let her go. And I think you already know that.”

Ben was quiet for several minutes before rolling onto his side and curling up along Poe’s. “I swear, you know me better than I know myself.”

“No, I can just see reality whereas you are blinded by something that died ages ago,” Poe said, tucking Ben’s head under his chin. “You’ve told me a lot of things these past few months, things you’d never told me about before, and honestly, it’s going to take every ounce of self-control I have to not hit Kaydel when I see her.”

“Please don’t,” Ben murmured. “You should never hit a woman, and besides, a black eye and bloody nose don’t really go with the classically elegant theme.”

“Fine,” Poe said. “This photoshoot and that’s it. Kaydel’s contract is officially terminated and we never hire her again.”

It took Ben a minute, but he eventually nodded in agreement. “I need to find a new place to live. Technically, I’m living in Kaydel’s apartment at the moment. Her name is on the lease.”

“Then we’ll find you one and you can stay with me in the meantime.”

“No, thank you,” Ben said, laughing slightly. “I’m not listening to you and Zorii fuck every night, so I’ll stay in a hotel or at the office or something.”

“Hotel,” Poe said seriously. “I’ll fucking pay for it myself if I have to. You’re not sleeping at the office.”

“Fine,” Ben said, frowning when there was a knock at the door. He sighed heavily and climbed off the bed, walking over to the door and opening it to find a courier standing there. “Yes?”

“Are you a Ben Solo?” the man asked.

“That’s me.”

“Then here you go,” the man said, handing over a small plastic bag with a note attached to it. 

“Thank you,” Ben said, shutting the door as the courier walked way.

“What the fuck is that?” Poe asked as he walked into the room.

“I don’t know,” Ben said, tearing the note off of the bag and opening it. 

He smiled at the one line written inside, _to aid you in finding new inspiration_ , and he suddenly knew what was in the bag without even opening it. He laughed as he tossed the note to the side and ripped into the plastic, pulling Rey’s ugly striped shirt from inside and holding it up.

“What the fuck?” Poe said. “That’s the ugliest fucking shirt I’ve ever seen.”

“I know,” Ben said softly, turning it around in his hands and feeling the soft fabric. “I’m going to turn it into something fantastic.”

“What?”

“Just wait and see, okay?” Ben said, folding the shirt back up and setting it on the table. “Come on, let’s head to the location. I think we can get away with being a little early given the circumstances.”


	4. Chapter 4

**london - january**

Rey showed up late for the New Year’s Eve party that Finn and Rose were throwing, and she knew that Rose was annoyed by that the second she approached her. “You were supposed to be here half an hour ago.”

“Sorry, but I got held up talking to someone,” Rey said, taking her coat off and walking toward the room where she knew everyone’s was stashed. “How is the party so far?”

“The party is going well,” Rose said, leaning against the doorway while Rey walked into the room. “There are plenty of people here to make connections with.”

“That’s good because I’m not sure I have enough money to pay my rent this month,” Rey said, sighing. “I really need jobs other than doing aristocrats’ makeup for fucking social events. I thought I was starting to breakthrough with the stuff I did in September and the few gigs I got right after that, but it seems like all of those opportunities have dried up.”

“Then that’s exactly why you need to network tonight, and if one of these men who can get you a job asks you to go home with them, you go.”

“I am not fucking someone for a job,” Rey said seriously. “I don’t care that you did that. I am not you.”

“I am just trying to help you out,” Rose said, pulling Rey into a hug. “I want you to be successful in what you’re doing.”

“I’m going to be,” Rey said firmly. “I’ve got myself booked for all the Solo Dameron shows in February, so that will at least be a nice start to my fashion weeks experience, even if that is the only gig I get.”

“You’ll get more,” Rose said, leading Rey down the hallway. “Drinks are in the same place as usual and food is on the table that is blocking the entrance to the kitchen.”

“Got it.”

They went their separate ways and Rey headed for the drinks, grabbing a glass and pouring herself some whiskey. She knew that Rose was right about making contacts and trying to get jobs, but the email exchange she’d just had with Ben had gotten a little too personal and made her remember all kinds of things about the man that had shattered her than she cared to admit. So all she wanted to do was drink, and she knew that Finn and Rose would let her sleep on the sofa once the party was over, so she didn’t put too much thought into anything else.

“Excuse me,” came a man’s voice. “Can you pass me the tequila? I can’t reach it from here.”

Rey picked up the bottle and turned to him, smiling as she handed it over. He was handsome in a rugged sort of way, not in the perfect model sort of way, and that meant Rey liked him already. “Here you go.”

“Thank you,” the man said, and it clicked in Rey’s brain that he was American. Or maybe Canadian. Somewhere with an accent that was completely different to a British one. 

“Where are you from?” she found herself asking before she could stop herself. “You’re clearly not from here.”

“Oh, I’m from Idaho,” the man said. “Moved here because I thought there would be more opportunities for me than if I moved to New York or Los Angeles. So far, it’s proving to be the right decision.”

“What is it you do?” Rey asked.

“I’m a photographer,” the man said, pouring himself some tequila before smiling at her. “I’m Snap.”

Rey laughed. “I’m guessing that’s a nickname you got for being a photographer.”

“You guessed right,” Snap said, laughing. “What’s your name?”

“Rey,” she said, sipping at her whiskey. “I’m a makeup artist.”

“Ah, the most important person when it comes to any photoshoot,” Snap said, smiling at her. “If the makeup isn’t right, the entire photo is thrown off.”

Rey smiled. “You really think so?”

“Absolutely,” Snap replied. “If you have the makeup off even a little, then the model won’t photograph right. The colors will be off and it will wash out certain ones or make others too bold, and then you’ve got a terrible photo. But if the makeup is done right, then the photo can come out flawless.”

“Interesting theory you have there,” Rey said, taking another sip of her whiskey. “I’ve never heard that before.”

“I don’t think there are many photographers that approach their photoshoots quite the way I do.”

Rey was genuinely curious. “I’d like to hear more about how you do that then.”

Snap grinned at her. “Then let’s find a spot and go talk.”

Rey nodded and soon they were over by the bookshelves, engrossed in a deep conversation about fashion and photography and makeup. They barely noticed when the other guests started to leave, and when Finn approached them and said that the party was over, Rey was sad that they had to end their conversation. After retrieving their coats, they walked out of the door together, and on the elevator ride down, Snap asked her if she’d be interested in having dinner with him sometime. 

Rey took a deep breath, decided to take the chance, and said yes.

**new york - february**

Rey was already sitting in a booth when Ben got to Maz’s Diner, and he made his way towards her. Maz was behind the counter and she called out a hello, and Rey looked up as Ben greeted her back. He sat down across from Rey and took a deep breath, deciding to just jump straight into why they were in a diner at five o’clock in the morning. “I don’t know if I can do this today without Kaydel.”

Rey sighed and shook her head. “Ben, we’ve been talking about this for weeks.”

“I know, but now it’s the day of the show, and I’m not sure I can do this without Kaydel,” he said, slumping down in the bench. “I nearly called her this morning but I ended up calling you instead.”

“Well, thank God for that,” Rey said. “The last thing in the world that you need to be doing is calling Kaydel about anything.”

Ben closed his eyes. “I miss her.”

“I can understand that, but you need to remember that she fucked you over. Her being out of your life is a good thing.”

“I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can,” Rey said as the waitress approached the table. “I promise you that you can.”

They ordered their food and then Ben drummed his fingers against the table. “I still haven’t sketched anything since Paris.”

Rey’s eyes widened slightly. “I thought for sure that my shirt would give you some inspiration from the way that you had been talking about it.”

“The only thing your shirt has given me inspiration for is redesigns of your shirt,” Ben replied. “And none of those are the right design yet either.” 

“It’ll happen in time,” Rey said. “You won’t be without inspiration forever.”

“God, I hope not, because Poe and Zorii will kill me if I don’t start contributing things again.”

“Zorii?”

Ben nodded. “We hired her full time because she had some amazing sketches that just had to be made. We have an entire collection of stuff she designed that is marketed at a lower price-point than everything that we usually do. We’re hoping to seal a deal with a major chain here to put those clothes in stores across the country. It may be a lower price-point, but if we can sell a lot of the inventory throughout all of those stores, then it’ll make us a lot of money. And the label needs money.”

“I don’t understand how it is that your label is just barely getting by,” Rey said. “It makes no sense.”

“We made some bad business deals in the beginning and we’re still paying for them,” Ben explained. “Once we get all of that settled out, then we think the label will start making money.”

“I see,” Rey said as the text alert tone on her phone went off. “Sorry but I need to keep it on for business purposes.”

“I totally get it,” Ben said as Rey clicked through the message.

He smiled at the waitress as she brought them their drinks, and when he turned his attention back to Rey, she had the brightest smile he’d ever seen from her on her face. “That does not look like a smile that comes from business.”

Rey let out a small laugh. “No, it’s not.”

“A guy?”

“Yeah,” Rey said, putting her phone back down. “I just met him a month ago but we’re having a good time getting to know one another.”

Ben smiled at her. “That’s great. I’m happy for you.”

“I’m taking this very slow, you know? I don’t want to end up in the same situation again, and since he’s an industry guy, I’m still wary. But I’m trying to push past that because he really is great.”

“Industry guy? Another makeup artist?”

“No, Snap is a photographer,” Rey explained as she reached for her coffee. “He’s American but he’s been living in London for the past ten years. He does a lot of work with the British designers, photographing things for their websites and stuff, but he’s busy during the fashion weeks’ circuit too. We connected over the concept of how the perfect makeup makes a perfect photo.”

“That’s an interesting theory,” Ben said. “And I can definitely see him thinking you do the perfect makeup for a photo. You’re phenomenal at that.”

Rey felt her cheeks warm. “Well, thank you for that. I only wish more people would give me a chance. I cannot tell you how grateful I am that Solo Dameron did.”

“It’ll happen,” Ben said confidently. “You’re too good for it not too.”

“Thanks,” Rey said, smiling as the waitress put their food in front of them. “So I’m pushing past my fear and going on some dates. Are you pushing past your heartbreak yet?”

“Fuck no,” Ben said, shaking his head. “It’s going to take me a while before I even consider the concept of considering dating again.”

“I get it, but I also think that if you don’t even try to get over Kaydel then you’re going to spend years being absolutely miserable about it like I was.”

“I still want to know who it is that hurt you.”

“And I’m still not naming names.”

“You really should tell me.”

“And you really should let it go.”

“Fine,” Ben huffed. “All I want is to make sure that he never works for us. That’s all I want.”

“That is not all you want and you know it,” Rey said, reaching for the salt.

“Well, maybe you’re right,” Ben said with a wry smile, making Rey laugh. 

“Alright, tell me more about the theme of the show. I want to make sure I have that straight in my head before I start working on it.”

“Alright.”

**********

The show’s after-party was supposed to be fun.

Ben was supposed to relax and celebrate the bidding war that was now happening for Zorii’s Bliss collection to be sold in retail stores across the country. He was supposed to be happy that the show had been successful and was the buzz of the afternoon presentations. He was supposed to be telling himself that he’d made it through without Kaydel by his side. 

He was supposed to be doing all of that, but instead, his eyes were glued across the room where Kaydel stood with Beaumont, laughing at something someone else had just said.

He didn’t know how she was there, having personally made sure that she wasn’t on the guestlist for the after-party, but there she stood. Her hair was perfectly done in an elegant updo, the dress she was wearing fit her just right, and she remained so incredibly sexy in Ben’s eyes that his heart ached with the fact that she wasn’t his anymore.

He downed four glasses of whiskey before deciding that he couldn’t take it, and he started heading towards the door so he could get someone from security to throw the two of them out. But the two of them were circulating the room and Ben ended up walking past them just in time to hear Kaydel speak. 

“Oh, forget about Ben. Beau and I have been together off and on for the past three years. Ben’s not worth talking about.”

Ben forced himself to keep walking towards the door, found someone from security, explained the situation to them, and then made his way back to the table he’d been sitting at, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and pouring himself another. He was through three more by the time that security was removing Kaydel and Beaumont from the party, and he thought that he would feel better once he could no longer see them.

He didn’t.

Three years. 

Kaydel had said that she and Beaumont had been together for three years.

Ben was not just angry, though he was beyond angry with her. And he wasn’t just devastated that she had done this to him. No, Ben was something else that went above either of those two emotions and he didn’t know how to handle it.

He was humiliated.

How long had people known that Kaydel was fucking around on him? How many industry people had Ben talked to that had known? Did the entire industry know? Was Ben the last person on the planet to discover that the woman he loved was in a relationship with someone else?

Rey had been right, he decided. Infidelity was something that models did best. He was never going to fuck a model ever again. That was certain.

At his thought of Rey, he scanned the crowd looking for her. He could really use her guidance right then, someone that knew his thoughts on the situation and could help him through this new development. Someone that would actually listen to what he was saying compared to someone like Poe who was too lost in his own head to actually help Ben with anything.

His eyes finally landed upon her on the dancefloor. She was in the arms of a man that Ben decided must be Snap, head thrown back laughing at something he’d said. She looked happy, and Ben knew that it had been a long time since she had been happy, so he immediately decided to leave her alone. She had done incredible work on the show that day and at some point, he’d have to go tell her that, but he wasn’t going to tell her about Kaydel that night.

He might not ever tell anyone at all.

A waitress passed by and Ben asked for another bottle of whiskey. The bottle that he had still had about a third of it left, but it didn’t matter. He’d be drinking all of it that evening, and then he’d take a taxi back to his hotel room, lock himself inside, and then he would probably cry himself to sleep.

He’d been played for a fool. 

“You alright?” 

Ben let out a small laugh as Zorii sat down next to him, reaching out to pour himself another glass. “Just in the mood to get drunk.”

“I’m just asking because you look like death warmed over.”

“I’m fine,” Ben said a little sharper than he intended. “Fuck, sorry.”

Zorii reached out and put a hand on Ben’s arm. “I saw her in here. I’m sorry that she got in.”

“It’s fine,” Ben choked out. “I got her thrown out.”

Zorii watched him knock back his drink and then pour himself another, and when the waitress brought back the new bottle of whiskey, she quickly set it out of his reach. “I cannot imagine what seeing her must have been like, but you need to not get so fucked up.”

“I’m already fucked up,” Ben said, sighing. “She made me this way.”

“Maybe,” Zorii said, standing up. “But only you can make yourself not be this way.”

Zorii grabbed the new bottle of whiskey and walked away, leaving Ben cursing her silently. Deep down he knew that Zorii was right, that she had said what Rey would have, just a bit more bluntly, but Ben once again wasn’t letting himself hear it. 

Forget Kaydel. Move on. You are better alone than you think you are.

If only Ben could believe that he was capable of any of that.


	5. Chapter 5

**london - february**

Ben arrived at the show’s venue early to make sure that everything was absolutely perfect. Some very important people were coming to the show and absolutely everything had to go exactly as planned. One small detail overlooked could mean the difference between selling the collection in stores all over Europe or not.

And it gave him something to focus on that wasn’t Kaydel and how she had humiliated him. 

Sort of.

When he got backstage, he went through the racks of clothes and made sure they were all hanging appropriately, no lines that needed to be steamed out. When he was done with that, he headed to the makeup center, and he stopped in his tracks when he saw Rey checking on things. He hadn’t seen her since the after-party in New York, hadn’t texted her to see how her schedule for the week was looking, hadn’t made an attempt to get a hold of her.

He hadn’t even responded to her email about the New York show just because he didn’t want to tell her about Kaydel and he knew that he would have to.

“Ben,” Rey said when she noticed him, smiling. “I didn’t know you would be here already.”

“Just making sure everything is perfect. We have some very important people coming to watch the show today,” Ben said, walking over to her. “How are you?”

“I’m pretty tired,” Rey said. “I stayed way too late at the Windu after-party with Snap last night. I’ve got my coffee though, so I’ll be wide awake by the time that the models show up.”

“I was invited to that party but I didn’t go,” Ben said, sitting down in one of the chairs as Rey kept checking things. “I haven’t been in the mood to party.”

“You looked really out of it at yours in New York,” Rey said. “I was going to go talk to you but then I saw Zorii was over there, and by the time I had a moment to go over there, you had left.”

“Yeah, I didn’t enjoy that evening very much.”

“Why?” Rey asked. “Zorii said you guys closed a big deal and that you were all celebrating because of it.”

Ben closed his eyes and took a deep breath, knowing that this was his moment to talk about it. “Kaydel was there.”

Rey stopped what she was doing and turned around to face him. “What?”

“I don’t know how she got in. All I know is that I looked up and there she was with that lousy motherfucker Beaumont Kin. I watched them until I decided it was torture, and then while I was on my way to find someone from security to throw them out since they were not on the guestlist, I ended up walking by them and overhearing Kaydel say that she and that prick have been together on and off for three years. So I had a great fucking night.”

Rey came and sat down next to Ben. “Oh, Ben, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you come talk to me? I would have helped you work through all this.”

“You were with Snap,” Ben said simply. “And you looked like you were having a good time. I didn’t want to ruin your evening with my emotional bullshit.”

Rey reached out and touched Ben’s arm, making him look over at her. “Thank you for being that considerate. And yes, I had a great time with Snap. But I would have stopped all of it and helped you if I knew you were hurting so much.”

“I appreciate that,” Ben said, trying to smile. “I just felt so humiliated and all I wanted to do was drink.”

“I know that this is hard to hear, and I know that I keep telling you it, but Ben, you’re better off without her. If this is the kind of woman that she’s become, if this is what she’s willing to do to a man that clearly loves her, then you are so much better off without her,” Rey said seriously. “You need to find someone that you fit perfectly with, and it is obvious that Kaydel is not that person.”

“Do you even think it’s possible to find someone you fit perfectly with in this industry?” Ben asked.

“Yes, I do,” Rey said after a moment. “But that doesn’t mean that the person you fit perfectly with is going to be in the industry. But you will meet them, and you will fall in love, and then everything will be perfect.”

“I thought I had.”

“Yeah, well, I thought I had too,” Rey murmured. “But now I know for certain that I hadn’t. And you need to realize that you haven’t either.”

Ben sat there for a moment before sighing heavily. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Tell me more about you and Snap.”

“Me and Snap?”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “I know you’ve been going on some dates with him and that he’s a photographer. Tell me more.”

Rey paused for a moment. “I didn’t know you’d be interested in that.”

“You’re a friend to me and listen to everything I have to say but I’m not allowed to be a friend to you?” Ben asked. “I know you’re wary of being hurt again and I guess I’m just trying to figure out how seriously you’re taking this. Is it just a few dates? Do you think it’s going to turn into more? I just want you to be happy, Rey. If Snap is the guy that’s going to make you happy, then I want to know more about him.”

Rey gave Ben a brilliant smile. “I don’t know yet if Snap is that perfect fit, but this certainly feels more natural and right than any of my previous relationships with people in the industry have.”

Ben smiled back. “Then I can’t wait to hear more about him.”

**milan - february**

Two days before the Solo Dameron show, Ben went to the Kenobi after-party and found Kaydel and Beaumont were there. His common sense told him that he should leave, but instead, he stayed, staring across the room at the two of them laughing and kissing and dancing. The more he watched them, the more humiliated he felt, until he finally walked out of the party and back to the hotel. Once he was there, he headed straight towards the hotel lounge instead of going up to his room because he had yet to have a single drink that evening and that was something that simply must be rectified. 

Zorii was drinking at the bar in the lounge when Ben walked in, so he headed in that direction and sat down next to her. Zorii barely glanced up at him before going back to the gin and tonic she was nursing, and Ben could immediately tell that Poe had done something incredibly stupid. “What happened?”

“I just got a reality check about how much I mean to him, that's all,” Zorii slurred, her voice an obvious indicator that the drink in front of her was far from her first. “God, I'm such an idiot.”

Ben sighed as the bartender walked over to him, quickly ordering a bottle of vodka and two shot glasses. “No, you're not. He's the idiot.”

“You don't even know what happened.”

“I don't need to,” Ben said softly, thanking the bartender when the bottle and glasses were set in front of him. “Poe is a major commitmentphobe. Any time he gets it into his head that he's too close to someone, he does something monumentally stupid to fuck it all up. Usually, that monumental stupidness involves Jessika Pava, or whoever the newest, prettiest face that Jessika has working for her is.”

“Jessika,” Zorii mumbled, draining the rest of her glass. “Do you know how excited I was at the thought that I was going to get to meet her tonight? I have been a huge fan of her label for so long, and the first thing that happens once we walk up to her is Poe kissing her. And it was no chaste kiss either.”

“I don't think Poe knows how to give chaste kisses,” Ben said, pouring Zorii a shot and sliding it in her direction. “I'm sure that you're more than aware of this, but Poe thinks of two things at all times. Fashion and sex, and not necessarily in that order. He's yet to figure out how to contemplate that consistent sex with someone might be a relationship, and he certainly doesn't know how to handle one of those. And Jessika is exactly the kind of woman that Poe needs around him when he starts freaking out about the fact that he might possibly have something that resembles a relationship, which is no doubt why the two of you went to the after-party tonight, and why Poe is probably in Jessika's bed right now.”

Zorii downed her shot and set the glass back on the bar, shaking her head lightly. “No, he's asleep upstairs.”

Ben paused with his glass halfway to his mouth and looked over at Zorii. “He came back with you?”

“Yup,” Zorii said, reaching for the bottle of vodka. “Doesn't even realize that he did something wrong tonight. Kept asking me why I was so quiet. I told him to figure it out for himself and came down here once he was asleep.”

Ben knocked back the shot and then wrapped an arm around Zorii's shoulders, squeezing her gently. “Well, I have to say, that is rather remarkable. He is the master at fucking good things up, and you definitely fall into the good things category. I can't believe he stopped himself.”

“He kissed Jessika in front of me. That's not stopping himself.”

“Hm,” Ben said, nodding in thanks when Zorii refilled his glass. “Did he kiss her more than once?”

“No.”

“Did she sit in his lap the entire night?”

“No.”

“Did they at any point grind against one another on the dance floor?”

“No.”

“Were they at any time half-naked together?”

“No.”

“And he left the party and came back to the hotel with you?”

“After I told him I wanted to leave 'cause I have an early morning tomorrow.”

“Then trust me, he stopped himself,” Ben said, clinking his glass against Zorii's before they both knocked back the shots. “He's not a saint. Far from it. But if all he gave Jessika was a kiss, one kiss, then that's incredible progress for him and a sign that he really, really likes you.”

Zorii's head slumped down onto Ben's shoulder and she sighed quietly. “You think?”

“Yes,” Ben said firmly. “Most definitely.”

“Hm.” Zorii frowned when Ben suddenly inhaled sharply, glancing up at the mirror behind the bar to see that Kaydel and Beaumont had walked in. “You alright?”

“Gonna have to be,” Ben said, grabbing the bottle and taking a large swig directly from it. “I need to be drunk.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

Zorii moved her head so she could see Ben's face better. “I think it's probably better this way, Ben. I know that I don't know the whole story, but...”

“No, you're right. It is better this way. I've decided that things are definitely going to be better now. I have goals and I have a need to design an absolutely incredible shirt that I’m making out of scraps.”

Zorii chuckled drunkenly. “I don't know what that means but I think it sounds good.”

Ben sighed when he heard Kaydel's laugh echo through the lounge and he nudged Zorii in the shoulder before reaching for his wallet. “Let's get out of here, hm? Poe will kill me if I let you get any drunker than you already are. Besides, you need to go upstairs and forget about this whole Jessika thing, and the perfect way to do that is to wake up Poe and to have some hot, dirty sex.”

Zorii reached into her purse as Ben picked up the bottle of vodka, pulling out some money and tossing it onto the bar. “That's a good idea. It has been about six hours since the last time we fucked. Poe's probably in withdrawal by now.”

They headed upstairs to their floor and then said goodnight outside the doors to their rooms. Once Ben was inside his, he sat down on his bed and kept drinking from the bottle of vodka, Kaydel’s laugh from the lounge still echoing inside his head. That laugh used to be directed at him. Her smile used to be directed at him. But now that he knew that it had been a long time since any of that was genuine, Ben was beyond done with trying to convince himself that Kaydel still loved him. 

It was quite obvious that she had stopped loving him a long time ago, if she ever had at all.

He grabbed his laptop and had a blank email pulled up before he could think about it, took another drink of vodka, and began to type.

_Rey,_

_I’ve been thinking about what you said in London about finding someone that I will fit perfectly with and I have decided that you are right. But the problem I have right now is that I am adjusting to the fact that I don’t have the person that I thought I did fit with anymore, and I’m doing that while surrounded by Poe and Zorii, who, despite all of Poe’s attempts to convince himself otherwise, fit together really, really well. It’s hard to see how happy they make each other, how their day is better when one of them compliments something the other has sketched, etc. It’s hard to hear about you and Snap too. I am beyond thrilled that you are happy, and I am thrilled that Poe and Zorii are happy too. I don’t want anyone to experience the misery that I am experiencing now. I know that misery is coming straight from my inability to get over Kaydel but I haven’t really been trying to. I’ve been trying to wait this out until she comes back. But she’s not coming back. I have been played for a fool for a very long time and I’m not going to let myself be a fool any longer. I’m going to try as hard as I can to move on. Hopefully, by the next time we see each other after this month is through, I will have made some progress._

_I hope you had a good experience working Jessika’s show today. I know you were a bit nervous since it was your first time working for her. Let me know how it went._

_Thanks for being my friend and for listening to my drunken ramblings. You do that entirely too much._

_Ben_

He read through the email, sent it, and closed his laptop. Then he polished off the bottle of vodka, laid back on his bed, and passed out.

**paris - february**

“Zorii?” Poe asked as the sun began to creep out from behind the curtains. “I’m sorry.”

Zorii shifted onto her back and looked over at him. “Sorry about what?”

“Milan,” Poe murmured, keeping his eyes on the ceiling. “The Jessika Pava after-party. I know that how I interacted with Jessika upset you and so I’m sorry.”

Zorii laid there for a moment before sighing. “It’s just hard for me to know how seriously you are taking this when we go to a party and you start kissing other people.”

“I’ve told you,” Poe said. “I’m not ready for the relationship label. I don’t know when I will be.”

“I know,” Zorii said softly. 

They fell into silence for several minutes as the sun began to fill the room further. Zorii looked over at the clock and was just about to tell Poe that they could go back to sleep for a while when Poe spoke. “If you want to leave, I’ll understand, you know.”

Zorii gave him a confused look. “What?”

“You deserve to be with someone who can give you what you obviously want,” Poe said softly. “So if you want to leave, I’ll understand.”

Zorii laid there in shock that Poe would be willing to let her go over this. “You’d let me go? Do I mean that little to you?”

“No,” Poe practically whispered. “I just want you to be happy and I don’t know if I can give you what will make you happy.”

“I want you more than a label,” Zorii said after a minute. “I don’t want to leave you just because you can’t give me one yet.”

Poe breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s great.”

“I want that label someday though,” Zorii said seriously. “I’m going to need that eventually.”

Poe sucked in a few deep breaths. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Will you at least try for me?”

Poe closed his eyes, sucked in a few more deep breaths, and then nodded. “I’ll try.”

Zorii smiled and slid closer to him, tilting his head so they were looking at each other. “Thank you for trying.”

“Thank you for staying,” Poe replied, leaning in to kiss her.

It wasn’t long before Poe was pushing Zorii onto her back and sliding on top of her, and Zorii laughed into their kiss. “You don’t want to sleep some more?”

“Fuck sleep,” Poe laughed, sliding his hands underneath her shirt. “I can sleep when I’m dead, but I cannot fuck then.”

Zorii closed her eyes as Poe kissed down her neck, happy that she was going to get more of this, at least for a while.

She really wanted that label though.


	6. Chapter 6

**london - march**

Rey was sitting at her breakfast table when she heard the door open and Finn and Rose come in. Closing her eyes for a moment because Snap was still there and she knew she was about to hear about it, she smiled when they came walking into the room carrying bags of food. “I wasn’t expecting you for another half an hour.”

“Line went fast today,” Finn said, setting the bags down on the table and taking off his coat. 

“Yeah, it was super weird,” Rose said, slinging her coat around the back of a chair and sitting down. “But, I’m hungry so I’m glad about it.”

“Let me guess,” came Snap’s voice, “there’s none for me.”

Rey broke out into a brilliant smile as Snap walked into the room. “Well, if you were going to be able to stay, I would have told them to get you some.”

“Remind me to never book jobs for eight a.m. ever again,” Snap said, bending to kiss Rey deeply. “I will see you later tonight.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

Snap said a brief goodbye to Finn and Rose before leaving, and once the door was closed, Rose squealed. “Oh, I’m so excited about this development.”

Rey just rolled her eyes. “I am not fucking him to further my career, so get that out of your head right now.”

“That is just going to make her more excited,” Finn pointed out. “I hope you’re aware of that.”

“What? I had to point out that this isn’t some ridiculous attempt at booking a job,” Rey said, reaching for the container that had her name on it. “All I ever hear about is how I should fuck so-and-so for a job and I’m not like that.”

“I know you’re not,” Rose said seriously. “And ninety percent of the time I’m joking about that anyway.”

“Ninety?” Rey asked, amused.

“Alright, so maybe it’s more like forty, but still, this is even better,” Rose replied. “This is you _finally_ moving on and I am here for it.”

Rey just smiled. “He’s great. He’s really great. I don’t know if it’s going to lead anywhere that is really serious, but for now, I’m just enjoying it.”

“And that’s fantastic,” Finn pointed out. “You would not have done this six months ago.”

“I hadn’t met the right person six months ago, and you know that,” Rey said. “I had to meet the right person. At the moment, that’s Snap. Maybe it’ll always be Snap. It’s too soon to tell. It’s only been two months.”

“But that’s two months more than you’ve spent with a man in four years,” Rose said, grinning. “So I will be super excited about this whether you like it or not.”

Rey sighed. “Just don’t embarrass me in front of him, okay? We haven’t gotten around to conversations about exes yet.”

“So he doesn’t know how long it’s been since you’ve done this?”

Rey shook her head. “He knows that it’s been a long time but he doesn’t know the specific amount of time. He’s just come out of a serious relationship and so we agreed that we’re going to take it slow.”

“But you’ve skipped to the sex already,” Finn said.

Rey couldn’t keep the smile from coming. “We skipped to the sex on the second date.”

Rose squealed again and Rey went to respond when she heard the email alert tone go off on her laptop. “Excuse me,” she said, pushing her food to the side and pulling her laptop in front of her. 

She signed in quickly and found a message from Ben in her inbox, and she opened it as Finn stood up to get them some juice. 

_Rey,_

_So I made a decision last night and now I’m terrified about it. I’ve been living in a hotel since December and it’s finally occurred to me how much money it is I’m wasting by living here. So on Saturday, I am going to start looking for an apartment. I am utterly terrified because I have never lived on my own before, but it is time for me to take that step. I’m going to look in neighborhoods close to the office and far, far away from where Kaydel and I lived so that I’m not constantly seeing things that remind me of her._

_I am hoping that the change of scenery will help inspire me because I still haven’t sketched a thing since Paris. The entire collection for the September shows is going to end up being Poe and Zorii’s again, and I feel absolutely terrible about that. Poe keeps telling me that it’s alright, we all go through slumps, but I know that this isn’t. I need to start pulling my weight around here again before I start to really beat myself up over that too._

_I still haven’t come up with the right design for your shirt either. I think I’m getting closer though._

_I’ll email again on Sunday and let you know how the apartment hunt went. Zorii is going to help me because I have no idea what I’m looking for and she’s used to living on her own. Hopefully, I find something that I can move into soon because fuck, I’ve wasted so much money living in this hotel._

_I hope things are good in London and that your most recent date with Snap went well. I’m curious to know how that job you got for the Jenny Packham photoshoot went too. If you have time, please let me know._

_Ben_

“About damn time,” Rey muttered to herself as she clicked the reply button.

“About damn time what?” Finn asked.

“Ben is finally moving out of the hotel he’s lived in since December and into an apartment,” Rey said, glancing up when Rose made a noise. “What?”

“You’re still emailing back and forth with Ben Solo?”

“Of course I am, we’re friends,” Rey said, confused. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing is wrong with it,” Finn said. “She just still thinks that you should have fucked him.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “I have worked every Solo Dameron show since the night Ben and I talked in my hotel room, and I somehow got that job without having to fuck him.”

“It’s just an observation,” Rose said innocently. “And it doesn’t matter now. You’ve got Snap. But I just don’t see what you’re wasting your time emailing him for. And who the fuck emails anymore?”

Rey rolled her eyes again. “I am helping Ben through a difficult situation and it is far easier to communicate through email than it is any other medium.”

“So he’s still hung up on Kaydel Connix then, hm?” Finn said, and Rey’s head shot up. 

“What?”

“Oh, come on, Rey, everyone knows what she did to him,” Rose said. “I just thought he would have moved on by now.”

“They were together for nearly ten years,” Rey said, shaking her head. “You don’t get over someone that you loved for that long that quickly.”

“Even though she totally fucked him over?”

“Even though she totally fucked him over,” Rey said, sighing. “You two have never gone through something like that. I don’t expect you to understand.”

“She has a point, Rose,” Finn said, and then the two of them started talking back and forth about past relationships while Rey focused her attention on writing Ben back.

_Ben,_

_I am so glad to hear that you’re moving out of the hotel. I cannot even begin to imagine how much staying there for so long must have cost you. I’m also glad that you’re willing to live on your own. To me, that shows a big step in the right direction is being taken. You don’t have to depend on someone else for that. You can trust yourself to handle things. I hope that the apartment search goes well._

_I’m sorry that you’re still not inspired. I know that you will be again someday, and then I expect an explosion of creativity the likes of which you’ve never had before. It won’t be long until the collections are full of your designs again. Hopefully, the change of scenery helps._

_I cannot wait to see what you do with my shirt once you finally get it figured out._

_Things with Snap are going well. It’s only been two months but this is the best I’ve felt in a very long time so I am just enjoying things. The Jenny Packham shoot was amazing. I’ll have to send you some photos once they’re emailed to me. I’ve gotten permission from the label to use a couple in my portfolio._

_Keep me posted on the apartment search._

_Rey_

She read through the email quickly, sent it off, and then slid her laptop back to the side. She had just picked up her fork when Rose spoke, and all Rey could do was shake her head. “I am not telling you if any of that exchange was about Kaydel Connix so stop asking.”

Then, before Rose could say another thing, Rey started asking Finn about his latest job to change the subject.

**new york - april**

It took him three weeks of looking, but Ben finally found an apartment he liked. He signed a two-year lease on it because he didn’t want to have to fuck with moving in a year, got the keys, and then went up to look around the space.

And that’s when he realized he didn’t own any furniture anymore.

Fuck.

He went to the closest furniture store and walked around it, deciding after about ten minutes that he knew much more about fashionable clothes than fashionable sofas, and so he did the only thing he could think of.

He called Zorii.

He met her at an entirely different furniture store and as they started walking around, Zorii got things like colors and what actual types of furniture he needed out of him. Soon he was debating options and checking out prices, and eventually, he’d put together an eclectic group of furniture that Zorii assured him would look fantastic.

It almost drained Ben’s bank account. He could have sworn he had more money than that in there, but he was so bad about checking everything that he figured he had just miscalculated something again and ignored it.

He offered to buy Zorii lunch in thanks, and once they were seated at a table in a little café near Ben’s new building, Zorii asked him how he was doing and Ben had no idea how to answer that.

“I’m trying,” he eventually said. “I just can’t figure out how to move on.”

“You’re going to have to someday,” Zorii said. “You can’t just be hung up on Kaydel forever.”

“Believe me, I know,” Ben replied. “Rey keeps telling me that.”

“Rey?”

“The makeup artist we keep hiring,” Ben said. “We exchange emails regularly and she generally talks me through stuff. But none of that talking is changing the fact that the first thing I think about in the morning is Kaydel and the last thing I think about at night is Kaydel.”

“You need to find someone to take your mind off of her,” Zorii said. “Doesn’t have to be serious. Just someone to hang out with and fuck for a while.”

“I don’t want to use someone like that,” Ben sighed. “I’d feel like a lousy motherfucker if I did that.”

“Well, if you don’t want to do that, then have someone for a night,” Zorii suggested. “Go to a club, pick someone up, and fuck them. You’re going to have a brand new bed in a brand new apartment now. Put it to good use.”

Ben pondered that. “Well, I like that idea better than using someone, but I still don’t know.”

“Sex is a good thing, Ben,” Zorii pointed out. “And fucking someone other than Kaydel will help. I speak from experience.”

“I’ll think about it,” Ben murmured as plates were set in front of them. “Now tell me about how the designs for the next Bliss collection are going. Amilyn said something about needing to find a specific color of fabric since we can’t get the dye right.”

**new york - may**

Ben was sitting at a table in Maz’s Diner when Rey walked in, and he immediately noticed that she seemed happier than the last time he’d seen her. Rey sat down across from him and smiled. “Good morning, Ben.”

“Good morning, Rey,” Ben said, smiling back. “You seem very happy.”

“I just got off the phone with Snap,” she said. “That tends to put me in a good mood.”

“How is he?”

“He’s doing well. He just lined up a job taking portraits for a duke’s family, so he’s really excited about that.”

“I didn’t know he did formal portrait photography like that,” Ben said, thanking the waitress when his drink was set in front of him. 

They ordered before Rey continued the conversation. “Snap has been getting into that type of photography only recently, so this job for the Duke is really a big deal. He still is doing freelance work for various labels in the UK and he’s lined up a job to photograph certain shows during the next round of fashion weeks. So he’s doing great at the moment, actually.”

“That’s wonderful. And how nervous are you about this job you’ve got now?” Ben asked, taking a sip of his juice. 

“It’s a _Vanity Fair_ cover shoot,” Rey said, a bit of wonder in her voice. “I have no idea how I got this job, but I’m now terrified that I’m going to fuck it up.”

“Don’t be afraid of that,” Ben said seriously. “You are the best makeup artist we’ve ever had work our shows. You’ve got this, okay?”

Rey took a deep breath and nodded. “I’ve got this.”

“Perfect.”

“Let’s talk about something that’s not perfect,” Rey said, changing the subject. “You have a habit now of picking up one-night stands every other day. Why are you doing this?”

“I want sex,” Ben said simply.

“No, it’s more than that,” Rey said, “and you know it.”

Ben sat there for a few moments before sighing heavily. “The nights when I’m with someone else are the only nights when I’m not thinking of Kaydel. So I am trying to spend as many nights in someone else’s arms as possible.”

“That is unhealthy,” Rey said seriously. “You cannot just have one-night stands for the rest of your life, Ben. You need to move on.”

“I’m not planning on having one-night stands for the rest of my life,” Ben countered back. “But they are what I need right now.”

“That is very disappointing to hear. And I can’t help you deal with your feelings if you’re just going to use sex to mask them.”

“I hear you and I know that you’re right, but I need this right now, okay?” Ben said, looking up when the waitress set their plates in front of them. “Let’s just eat.”

They talked idly throughout the rest of breakfast before leaving together. When they reached a point where they needed to part ways, Ben stopped Rey before she could walk off. “Hey, I need your measurements.”

“Excuse me?” Rey said.

“For the shirt,” Ben explained. “I can’t make it to fit you if I don’t have your measurements.”

Rey blinked. “Ben, I was not expecting the shirt back.”

“I know, but it was your shirt and therefore you should be the owner of the reimagined version. Besides, it’s not going to be something that I can wear and I want it to be an original, one-of-a-kind piece, not something we can mass replicate and sell in stores.”

Rey stood there for a moment. “I don’t know what kind of measurements you need or how I would take them.”

“Just stop by the office and I can have someone take them then,” Ben said. “I promise it’ll be a woman so you’re not super uncomfortable.”

“Thank you for being considerate about that,” Rey said. “And I’ll come by after the shoot tomorrow, okay?”

“Sounds good to me,” Ben said, smiling at her. “Thank you for joining me for breakfast.”

Rey smiled back. “Thank you for buying breakfast. I’ll talk to you later.”

And then they went their separate ways, Ben trying to think of the right way to redesign Rey’s shirt, Rey trying to figure out why Ben was remaking her shirt and then giving it back to her.


	7. Chapter 7

**london - june**

“Snap keeps asking me to move in with him,” Rey said, prompting Finn to pause with his fork halfway to his mouth. 

“And you said yes, right?”

Rey shook her head. “No, I keep turning him down.”

Finn lowered his fork and gave Rey a confused look. “I thought things were going well.”

“They are going very well,” Rey sighed. “I’m just still holding back because I’m afraid of getting hurt again. He’s been telling me that he loves me for about two months now and I can’t say that back to him either.”

Finn sat there for a moment. “You’re really that scared of getting hurt again that you can’t even admit that you love him.”

“I’m not sure that I love him,” Rey said. “This feels so different from the last time I did something like this, and I know it’s supposed to feel different, but you just know when you’re in love, right? And I don’t feel that way.”

“So because it doesn’t feel like it did with the motherfucking dick you think it’s not love.”

“Not exactly. I just know that I’m not in love with him.”

“Rey, you are fucking up the best thing that’s happened to you in a long time.”

“I am not!” Rey exclaimed. “I am doing what is necessary to keep me from being shattered again.”

“The motherfucking dick was just that, a motherfucking dick. You have told me since that you aren’t surprised that he destroyed you in the end because of it. But Snap is an amazing guy, Rey,” Finn pointed out. “He’s exactly the kind of guy you need.”

“Maybe, but moving in with him is a big step that I’m not prepared to take. So is telling him that I love him when I don’t.”

“Alright, let’s set aside the love part for a minute. What is the big deal about moving in with him?”

“It’s just too soon.”

“Is this about your age difference?” Finn asked. “You’ve said before that your grandfather wasn’t going to approve because of that.”

“Fuck him,” Rey said strongly. “He started giving me shit about that and so I stopped speaking to him and have no plans to ever do so again. I do not need his constant negativity in my life and I know that I’ll be happier for doing this than I would have been otherwise.”

“I am so glad that you finally did that,” Finn said, grinning at her. “That is such an important step. Rose will be thrilled to hear it too. How did Snap react?”

“I haven’t told Snap about my family yet.”

Finn sighed heavily. “If you are ever going to let this relationship turn as serious as it’s clear Snap wants it to be, then you are going to have to tell him everything, Rey. Your family, the motherfucking dick, everything.”

“I know that but the last guy I told everything to completely fucked me over in the end and I’m not ready to do that,” Rey replied. “I’m going to keep all of that to myself until I am completely comfortable.”

“Then you need to tell Snap that you’re not ready for your relationship to reach that next level.”

“I know,” Rey sighed. “I just have no idea how to do that.”

“I would start by just telling him the truth,” Finn said. “You’re not ready to move in together. You’re not ready to say you love him. You were absolutely destroyed last time and you’re taking precautions so that you’re not destroyed again.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if that’s good enough,” Rey said. “He deserves more of an explanation than that.”

“Then give him one. Tell him a little bit about the motherfucking dick.”

“I can’t do that.”

“You’ve got to do something, Rey,” Finn pointed out. “You can’t just leave him in this zone where he’s wondering where he stands with you. That’s not fair to him.”

“I know,” Rey said. “He deserves so much better than I am currently capable of giving him.”

“Now it sounds like you want to break up with him.”

“No, I don’t,” Rey said strongly. “I just don’t want to get hurt again.”

“That is part of the risk of relationships and you know it,” Finn said. “If you’re going to be in a relationship, then you’ve got to be prepared to take that risk. If you’re not prepared to take that risk, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship.”

“The motherfucking dick taught me not to take risks.”

“The motherfucking dick is why you should take a risk. It’s the only way you’re going to be happy.”

Rey glanced over at the clock and then stood up. “I’ve got to go. I have that gig with the Duchess again and I need to get there early to make a good impression on her so that the next time there’s an event, she hires me again.”

“You’re so much better than being at an aristocrat’s beck and call.”

“Yeah, well, tell that to the fashion industry that doesn’t want to hire me,” Rey said, heading towards the door. “I’ll call you later!”

**new york - july**

Poe opened the door and let Zorii into his apartment, smiling at the sight of her in her blue dress. “You look gorgeous.”

Zorii set her purse down and turned to him, kissing him once Poe was close enough. “Thank you.”

“Who designed this?” Poe said, running his hands down her sides. “It’s beautiful.”

“I did,” Zorii said, shuddering as his arms slid around her waist. “I sketched it in school and then made it for myself.”

“It should be selling in stores across the globe,” Poe murmured, kissing her deeply. “You should make it part of the next Bliss collection.”

Zorii gasped as Poe started trailing kisses along her jaw. “You think it’s that good?”

“I think it’s one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen you wear,” Poe said, pulling back and grinning at her. “I think it would sell out wherever it was sold. I think it would be the most popular piece in the collection.”

“I think you’re crazy.”

“Then let’s get Ben’s opinion on it,” Poe said. “Because I’m not crazy.”

Zorii smiled. “Some other time,” she said. “I’ve got a better idea of what to do with the dress right now.”

“Oh yeah? And what is that?”

“If you think it’s sexy on me, then I imagine you’d like it more if it was on the floor.”

Poe let out a low growl. “I think you are right about that. But we have something to do first.”

Zorii gave him a confused look. “And what would that be?”

Poe took a deep breath. “Would you be interested in going to have dinner with me tonight?”

Zorii stared at him in shock. “Instead of ordering in like we always do?”

“Yes.”

Zorii stood there for a moment. “Would this be a date?” she eventually asked.

Poe sucked in a deep breath. “Sorta? I mean, I’m not prepared to be definitive about that, but it could conceivably be considered one.”

Zorii let out a small laugh. “Well, it’s a step in the right direction at least,” she said, smiling at him. “I would love to have dinner with you tonight.”

Poe grinned back at her. “Then let’s go.”

They made their way down to Poe’s car and once they were inside, he had something to say before they left. “I can’t promise you that this will go anywhere,” he murmured. “It may just lead to things remaining the same. I am absolutely terrified of being in a relationship.”

That’s when Zorii realized that Poe wasn’t just a commitmentphobe. There was a real, tangible reason for why he felt that way about relationships. “Why is being in a relationship so scary for you?”

“I don’t want to answer that,” Poe said, starting the car. 

“Then we won’t talk about it now,” Zorii replied. “Where do you want to go for dinner? Please don’t say that diner Ben always makes us have meetings at.”

Poe laughed. “No. I already have a reservation at a restaurant across town.”

Zorii was even more surprised. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then I can’t wait to see where you picked.” 

Zorii settled into her seat with a smile on her face, looking out the window as Poe began to drive. She hadn’t been expecting this that night. She hadn’t been expecting this at all. But as Poe started talking again about how they really needed to replicate and mass produce her dress, one word kept going through Zorii’s mind.

Progress.

**london - july**

Rey heard her door shut with more force than was necessary and she knew that Snap was mad at her. He’d just asked her yet again to move in with him, and after Rey said no, he asked if they could at least have a conversation about it. When Rey said no to that too, Snap had immediately said he had to leave and stalked out of the apartment. Rey could understand that he had frustrations with her over it, but she had frustrations with him too, mainly over the fact that he couldn’t respect that she wasn’t ready for that step.

She reached for her laptop and had a blank email up before she realized it, sighing heavily before beginning to type out a message to Ben.

_Ben,_

_Do you remember when we had our conversation about how you needed to find someone you fit perfectly with? I still firmly believe that it’s possible for people like us to find that right person. I’m just starting to become more and more convinced that Snap is not that person for me. He’s not respecting that I’m not ready to move our relationship to the next level because he constantly asks me about it as though I’ll just change my mind on a whim, and it’s starting to grate on me. I really like him a lot and I know that he really likes me too - he’s been saying he loves me for a while now - but the doubts are starting to creep in._

_I don’t know how much of this is my past experience coming through, but I just am not ready for this. Putting myself in that position will make me feel very vulnerable, and the last time I let myself be that vulnerable with a man, I ended up in a trillion pieces. I don’t even know why I’m telling you all of this right now because I don’t want you to talk me into moving my relationship to the next level. I guess I’m just hoping that you’ll understand._

_Please tell me you have stopped the one-night stands. Fucking half of New York will not get you anywhere._

_Rey_

She sent the email and went back to looking at various photos, trying to find the right ones to put in her updated portfolio. She realized that she was going to need Ben’s permission to use some Solo Dameron ones in there, so she reached for her laptop again only to find that she already had a reply to her email. 

_Rey,_

_I am sorry that you feel like you might not fit perfectly with Snap. I know how much you like him, but if it’s not love, then it’s not love. Sometimes you just have to end things before they get serious because you know that you’ll be really hurt when it reaches its inevitable conclusion, and you know what that conclusion is going to be. I’m not trying to tell you to break up with Snap - that is a decision only you can make - but it sounds like you think that moving your relationship to the next level might end up bringing you pain in the long run, and I don’t want you to go through that._

_At the same time, maybe this is a risk you should be taking. Maybe you should let yourself be that vulnerable. You’re always telling me to push past Kaydel. Maybe you need to push past your lingering memories of the man that hurt you. (And I still want to know his name.) From everything that you’ve told me, Snap seems like a really nice guy. I’ve seen how happy he makes you. I don’t want to see you sad because of him too._

_Yes, I’ve stopped the one-night stands. I don’t need them when I have Elizabeth._

_Ben_

Rey read the email three times trying to think of how to respond. In the end, she went for the simplest response she could possibly give about the thing that she wanted to talk about the most.

_Who is Elizabeth?_

She’d gone through three more photos before the alert tone came, and she opened up the email from Ben and immediately shook her head.

_Elizabeth is this woman I’m fucking instead of having one-night stands. It’s just sex. It’s not a relationship._

Rey reached up and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

_Ben, you doing this is something that I disagree with fundamentally. Besides, didn’t you tell me that you didn’t want to use a woman like this? This is not an appropriate way to get over Kaydel._

She got a response back almost immediately.

_I understand what you’re saying, but I need to be distracted from a lot of shit right now - not just about Kaydel - and Elizabeth is serving that purpose well. It is nothing but sex, and Elizabeth is well aware of that. She is using me to deal with shit just as I am using her, and it might not be something you approve of but it’s working for me at the moment._

Sighing heavily, Rey responded.

_One of these days, you’re going to meet the one that you could fit perfectly with, and you’re going to completely miss out on her because you’re too busy being hung up on Kaydel and fucking someone just for distraction. It’s like you don’t want to ever be in love again, and that’s a shame because being in love with the right person can be pretty amazing._

It took a few minutes this time, but another email came.

_And what do you know about being in love with the right person? The last guy destroyed you so he wasn’t the right person. You’ve made it pretty clear that Snap isn’t the right person. So how the fuck do you know what you’re talking about?_

Rey felt anger burn through her and she slammed the laptop lid shut, turning back to the photos for her portfolio. As she sat there trying to pick the right ones, she couldn’t get her mind off Ben’s words.

Maybe he was right.

Maybe she knew nothing about love.

**new york - august**

Ben pulled his laptop in front of him, opened up a blank email, and then stared at it for a while. He had been a complete dick to Rey the week before and he needed to find the right words to apologize. He just was terrible with words and didn’t know how to do it.

_Rey,_

_I am so very sorry for the way I spoke to you via my last email. I was frustrated and dealing with a lot of shit that day, mostly stemming from my parents, and I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have. So, I’m sorry._

_Thinking back on what you said, I know what you mean about love being amazing when you’re with the right person. Kaydel was that person for me for a while. Perhaps the man that destroyed you is the one you were thinking of when you wrote that. Love can be tremendous when it’s right. Sadly for me, I don’t know when the last time that was. It’s incredibly clear now that Kaydel and I fell out of love a long time ago, even if I was still trying to convince myself that I love her three days ago. I don’t, not anymore, and I haven’t for a long time._

_That’s not to say that I’m ready to move on because I’m not. There’s still something holding me back. And I know that you don’t like it, but Elizabeth is helping me. It’s nice to focus on someone else but Kaydel for a while and this kind of no-strings-attached, no-pressure situation is exactly what I need. She’s not my future and I’m not hers. It’s just easy and I like that._

_Once again, I am very sorry. I’ll understand if I never get an email from you again. I would completely deserve that._

_Ben_

Deciding that he couldn’t make it sound any better, he sent the email and then stood up, heading towards the boxes in the living room. He’d moved in four months ago but still hadn’t fully unpacked, and that was his job for the day. He needed the boxes gone before his parents came for a visit.

And then the first thing he pulled out of the first box he opened was a smaller box.

He set the smaller box on the coffee table and collapsed onto his sofa, staring at it. He sat there for almost an hour just looking at the box, knowing what was inside of it but refusing to open it and look. The thoughts of unpacking had completely left his mind by the time that he stood up, and he grabbed his wallet and keys and left the apartment.

Ben went to the office despite it being a Saturday, and once all the lights were on and the music started playing, he settled himself at his workstation. Now that he had Rey’s measurements, he had been trying to determine if he had enough material from her shirt to make it into what he had designed and he’d always been interrupted when he was there during the week. But he was the only one in the building now, and he was determined he was going to get the shirt figured out that day.

And then he spent two hours working on a mockup that simply wasn’t working.

He turned away from the mockup and grabbed his sketchbook, spending another hour sketching and resketching possible designs for the shirt. He screamed after the tenth design didn’t work, realizing that he had a lot more work to do on the design process for Rey’s shirt than he had thought he’d had. It was beyond frustrating.

He flipped to a new page of his sketchbook to try and come up with something brand new and fresh for the label, tearing out page after page because none of them were right. It was coming up on a year since he’d last designed something for the label, and he loudly cursed Kaydel and Beaumont for taking away his inspiration. 

He’d give anything to have his inspiration back.

He flipped back to the pages with sketches of Rey’s shirt, picking one that he had rejected. He began to redesign it with the thought of it being a piece for the label, and by the time that he decided to head home, he had a brand new sketch hanging on the mood board behind his workstation. He didn’t think it was good enough to make it into an actual piece, but he figured it was a start.

When he got home, he ignored the small box on the table and he headed straight to where his laptop was so he could send a quick email to his mother telling her that he’d kind of, sort of designed something. He saw the reply sitting there before he could send the email, and he took a deep breath before opening it.

_Ben,_

_You are forgiven. And you were right. I don’t know anything about love. I’m foolish for even thinking so. My familial love has been weird since I was eight, my love from friends can be up and down depending upon my relationship or job status, and love in my relationships has been fucked up at best. I’m still waiting for that person to come along and not necessarily sweep me off my feet but make me feel like I’m the most special woman on the planet. That hasn’t happened to me. Not yet._

_I don’t understand your thing with Elizabeth, but if you say it’s helping you, then it’s helping you. I’m not one for one-night stands or relationships of convenience, so I wish you weren’t doing these things. I just hope that they help you see that getting over Kaydel is what you need to do. You need to just let go, Ben. Letting go is the only thing that will set you free._

_I’ll see you in a few weeks. Breakfast at Maz’s on the day of the show?_

_Rey_

Ben took a deep breath, glad he was forgiven, and then responded.

_You know more about love than you think. I hope you find that right man soon. You deserve that._

_Maz’s sounds good. Same time? If you need a different one, just let me know. Since it’s a late afternoon show, we can do any time before ten._

Once the reply and his email to his mother were sent, Ben stood up and walked over to the boxes, looking at the small box on the table before opening up a bigger box and beginning to take things out of it.

He knew what he needed to do.

He just hoped he had the strength to do it.


	8. Chapter 8

**new york - september**

The Solo Dameron show was the next day, and Ben really should be at home getting some sleep. He was meeting Rey for breakfast at Maz’s and then he had a whole day packed full of things to do and he needed to be well-rested for them. But instead, he was at the Jessika Pava after-party trying to work up the nerve to do something. 

Something really important.

He was on his fifth glass of champagne when he spotted Rey across the room, so he made his way over to her. “Rey.”

Rey turned around to see Ben there and she smiled at him. “Ben. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“Jessika is an old friend of mine and Poe’s from our days in school,” Ben explained. “I’m really glad to see you here. I need your help.”

“You need my help,” Rey said. “With what?”

“With something I can’t do here and really don’t want to do alone,” Ben replied. “So will you go down to the waterfront with me?”

Rey stared at him in concern. “I’m not going to have to watch you try to drown yourself, am I?”

Ben laughed and polished off his champagne. “I’m not that far gone. I just need to do this and it has to be at the waterfront.”

Rey watched him for a moment before nodding. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” Ben said, relieved that she would be there to help him through this.

They stopped to get Rey’s coat and then they headed out into the cool air. “And where is your coat?” Rey asked as they headed towards the waterfront.

“I hate coats,” Ben told her. “They are restricting and unfashionable and so I refuse to wear one.”

“I see,” Rey murmured. “Maybe you should try to design one that isn’t restricting and unfashionable then. I’m sure you could come up with a great design.”

“I can’t come up with any design,” Ben muttered. “I am wondering if this will help me though.”

When they reached the waterfront, they stood there staring out at the Hudson River for a few moments before Rey nudged him. “So, why are we here?”

“We are here because of this,” Ben said, pulling the small box he’d found in his stuff out of his pocket. “I’ve been hanging onto this for a year and the weight of it is holding me down. I’m never going to get over Kaydel if I don’t get rid of it.”

“What is it?” Rey asked, and Ben handed the box to her. 

“Open it and find out.”

Rey took the lid off and saw the red velvet box inside it, and she instantly knew what was inside that box. Still, she pulled the red velvet box out and opened it, staring at the diamond ring inside. The ring was gorgeous, a huge center diamond and then lots of smaller stones in a floral pattern around it. 

One thing was very clear - Ben had very refined, very expensive taste.

“How much did this cost you?” was out of her mouth before she could stop it. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to say that.”

“Fifteen thousand dollars, give or take,” Ben said, looking over at her. “I was going to ask and I was going to ask, but we were never in the same place at the same time long enough for me to do something grand and romantic.”

Ben took the ring back from Rey, putting it back in the smaller box and then putting the lid on it. “And now it’s time to get rid of it. Holding onto this is me still holding onto her.”

“I think getting rid of it is a great idea,” Rey said. “Very symbolic. But I don’t understand why we’re at the waterfront.”

Ben looked down at the box in his head, took a deep breath, and then threw it as far as he could into the river. Rey stood there open-mouthed as they heard it hit the water, blinking as she came to terms with what Ben had just done. “Ben, why did you do that? There were other ways of getting rid of it that would have gotten you some of your money back.”

“Maybe, but I had to get rid of it this way,” Ben murmured. “It was the only way.”

“I’d be lying if I said I understand that, but I am glad that you got rid of the last piece of Kaydel that was weighing you down.”

“Me too,” Ben said, looking over at her with a smile. “Thank you for being here while I did this. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to.”

“Of course,” Rey said, and they walked back towards where the party was. “How is my shirt coming along?”

“It’s not done yet,” Ben sighed. “I can’t finalize the design.”

“I’m starting to wonder if I’m ever going to get this shirt, you know.”

Ben sighed heavily. “Me too. I need my inspiration back.”

“It’ll happen,” Rey said, smiling at him. “Maybe it’ll be easier now that the ring is gone.”

“I hope so,” Ben said, taking a deep breath. “Are you going back to the party?”

“Yes, I think so. Are you?”

“Nah, I’m gonna go home and drink myself to sleep.”

“Ben.”

“I need to have this. I do not do that every night.”

“Well, that’s good to know.”

They stopped in front of the building the party was in and turned to each other. “I’m proud of you,” Rey said. “You did that all on your own.”

“Yeah, I did, though I did appreciate your emotional support.”

“Anything for you, Ben,” Rey said softly. “I’ll see you at Maz’s in the morning.”

“Sounds good,” Ben said, starting to walk away. “And breakfast is on me! No arguments!”

“Ugh, fine.”

**london - september**

Ben was sitting backstage a few hours before the models were supposed to be there, trying to sketch an unrestrictive, fashionable coat, and Poe had no idea why he was wasting his time on that. “Ben, we need to resolve this situation,” Poe said, exasperated. “Fucking talk to us.”

“I know we need to resolve the situation,” Ben said, not looking up from his sketchbook. “So let’s do that.”

“What the fuck are you drawing that is so important that we can’t figure this out?” Poe exclaimed. 

Ben sighed and looked up, holding his sketchbook up so he and Zorii could see. “I am trying to design an unrestrictive, fashionable coat.”

“A coat,” Poe said, his anger building. “You don’t want to help us figure this out because you’re drawing a fucking coat? Solo Dameron doesn’t even make coats!”

“Maybe we should,” Zorii said, and Poe looked at her like she was insane. “I love coats and I will be happy to assist you if you need an opinion or some help at some point, Ben.”

“Thank you, Zorii,” Ben said, starting to sketch again. “I’m getting nowhere.”

“Then realize that you need to stop and focus on this situation,” Poe said seriously.

“Hello, everyone,” came Rey’s voice, and looked up to see her at the makeup center. “I didn’t expect to see you here this early.”

“We have a situation and this moron won’t help us resolve it,” Poe said bitterly. “Maybe you can get him to stop sketching fucking coats and fucking deal with this.”

Poe walked off and took Zorii with him, so it was just Rey and Ben. “You want to tell me what it is?” Rey asked, walking over to where Ben was sitting.

“Kaydel seems to think she’s walking in the show,” Ben said quietly. “Poe and Zorii are insistent that it be made very clear to her that she is not involved, but I’m hesitant.”

“Why?” Rey asked. “You know you can do this without her.”

“My mind just goes to places that it shouldn’t,” Ben murmured. “Like, what if she wants back here so she can apologize to me? What if she does still love me and she wants to let me know? Just bullshit like that.”

“You’ve got to work through those thoughts, push them to the back of your mind and banish them there. This is not you talking. This is the remnants of what you once had,” Rey said. “I watched you essentially throw fifteen thousand dollars into the Hudson less than a week ago. You did that so that you could be done thinking of Kaydel.”

“I know that, but I’m back to freaking out about doing a show without her,” Ben replied.

“You got through all of the February shows and last week without her. You can get through today and the two weeks after that without her too.”

Ben took a couple of deep breaths before nodding, and he waved Poe and Zorii back over. “Guys, come here.”

“We need to figure this the fuck out, Solo, and we need to do it now,” Poe said as he approached them. 

“Make it extremely clear to her that she doesn’t work for the label anymore. I never want to have to go through this again.”

“I’ll go find Amilyn so we can get this done,” Zorii said. 

Poe stood there shaking his head. “It’s about time you got your head out of your ass,” he declared before walking away.

Ben laughed before turning his attention back to his sketchbook, and Rey walked over to the makeup center. “Tell me about this coat?” she asked.

“I can do that,” Ben said, staring at his sketch with a smile.

**milan - september**

The moment Ben sat down next to her, he could tell that Zorii was furious. His eyes scanned the room for Poe and found him with Jessika again, and Ben sighed. “What did he do?”

“Another kiss and then some serious flirting with lots of innuendoes,” Zori said angrily. “It’s like I mean nothing to him.”

“That is just how Poe is, Zorii,” Ben said, pouring himself a drink. “Poe is a flirt, and he will flirt with everyone, and that will happen whether he decides that you two are in a relationship or not.”

“Doesn’t make it okay,” Zorii muttered.

“Perhaps not to you, but Zorii, this is how he is,” Ben said, taking a long sip of his whiskey. “You’ve got to accept this part of Poe or things will never work out between you two.”

“I’m not sure that things are going to work out between us anyway,” Zorii sighed. “His reluctance to admit that we’ve been in a relationship for the past year is starting to become a serious problem. My parents want me to bring my boyfriend home to meet them and I don’t know how to explain to them that I technically don’t have one. I have a fuck buddy, basically. This is no different than you and Elizabeth.”

“Except for the fact that you love him,” Ben said, and Zorii’s head whipped around to look at him. 

“How did you know that?”

“I’m not blind,” Ben said. “Everyone can see it.”

“Fuck,” Zorii said, starting a deep breath. “I didn’t want anyone to know.”

“Don’t worry about that, okay? That might help him focus on your relationship.”

“And how do you figure that?”

“He’s never really had someone love him the way you do. And that might help him push past his deal with his parents.”

“What deal with his parents?” Zorii asked.

Ben sighed. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“But you did so now you’re explaining it.”

“Poe should be the one to do that,” Ben said after a moment.

“Come on, Ben. Poe never wants to tell me anything about him being like this. Please tell me.”

Ben polished off his drink and poured himself another. “If you want to know, you have to make him tell you. I am not going to be the one who does it.”

Zorii groaned and stood up. “You are a motherfucking dick. I hope you know that.” 

“So I’ve heard,” Ben murmured, and Zorii just walked off. 

Ben sat there and drank for a while, taking in the sight of the party in front of him. He was glad that the show was successful, glad that they’d sealed a couple of deals, but he wasn’t in the mood to party. He was just in the mood to drink.

“Mind if I join you?” came a voice, and Ben looked over to see Snap standing there.

“Not at all.”

Snap sat down and nodded. “Thanks.”

“Where’s Rey?” Ben asked. “I thought she’d be here.”

“Rey is working the first show of the day tomorrow so she went back to the hotel room to sleep,” Snap said. “I told her I’d leave her alone so I’m out here partying all night since my job for this week is done.” 

“How did your photos come out then?”

“Good,” Snap said as Ben poured himself another drink. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“I kind of figured that,” Ben said, taking a long sip. “You generally don’t seek me out.”

“I’m just curious about something when it comes to Rey, and since you’re one of her confidantes, I thought I’d ask,” Snap said, taking a deep breath. “Do you know if Rey thinks our relationship is going to go anywhere?”

Ben bit his tongue to keep himself from saying something. “If you want the answer to your question, then you should be talking to Rey about it, not me.”

“It’s just...it’s been nine months and I feel like I’m not getting anywhere with her. She won’t even have a conversation with me about moving into my apartment, she won’t tell me that she loves me, and I feel like she spends more time worrying about other people than she does when it comes to thinking about me.”

“I am not going to break her confidence,” Ben said. “I am not going to talk to you about her.”

“I just want some fucking answers,” Snap said angrily. “Give me some, please.”

“If you want answers, you need to talk to Rey yourself.”

Snap stood and stalked off angrily, and Ben reached for his phone. 

Rey needed to hear about this.


	9. Chapter 9

**paris - september**

The Solo Dameron show was a success again. They sealed a major deal that would more than keep the label going for a while, and while that was something that should be celebrated, Ben was sitting at the after-party in complete misery. He’d already drunk half a bottle of whiskey, and he had plans on drinking the other half before ordering more. It did not matter to him that he was going to have the hangover to end all hangovers. All he needed at that moment was to be drunk.

It had been exactly one year since he’d walked in on Kaydel being fucked by Beaumont and Ben didn’t know how to handle it.

He felt someone sit down next to him after a while and turned to see Rey peering at him with concern. It had been exactly one year since he’d met her too. Rey was the best thing that came out of that awful day.

“You okay?” Rey asked, putting the bottle of whiskey out of Ben’s reach. 

“I was drinking that.”

“I think you’ve had more than enough,” Rey murmured, reaching for Ben’s hand. “Are you okay?”

Ben sat there quietly for a long time before he nodded. “I think so.”

“Are you sure? Because from the way you were drinking, it doesn’t seem like it.”

“It’s just been a year, you know?” Ben said. “And I never thought I’d have made it this far. I never thought I would have been able to do this without her. But now, now I can see that there is a path forward that doesn’t involve dwelling on her. I don’t really know how to describe what I’m feeling.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Rey said, squeezing his hand. “I think that it’s a good thing that you recognize all of that. It means you’re finally on the right track to getting over her.”

“I think you’re right about that,” Ben said, sipping at his whiskey. “How are you this evening? I noticed Snap wasn’t here.”

“Snap is back in London,” Rey said. “He had a job lined up there for this week so he went back after Milan.”

“I see.”

“Thank you for telling me that he tried to get information out of you. I really don’t know what to feel about that.”

“Well, I’ll always keep your confidence no matter who tries to get information out of me.”

“Thanks, Ben,” Rey said, smiling at him. “Same for me about you.”

“Thank you,” Ben said, taking another sip. “There is one really good thing that came out of that terrible day a year ago.”

“And what is that?”

“You,” Ben said. “And our friendship. I don’t know what I’d do without it.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without it either,” Rey said, lifting up her glass. “To our friendship.”

“To our friendship,” Ben echoed before clinking his glass against hers. 

They both polished off their drinks and Rey looked out at the dancefloor, spotting Poe and Zorii grinding against one another. “Has Poe admitted that they’re in a relationship yet?”

“Nope,” Ben said, trying to reach for the whiskey again.

“No, Ben, you’ve had more than enough,” Rey said, slapping at his hand. “And if I was Zorii, there is no way in hell I would have waited this long whether I was in love with him like she is or not.”

“I agree, but I try to keep out of that dynamic. They need to figure it out for themselves.” Ben slumped down in the seat and tried to concentrate on Rey and not memories of that day a year ago. “So tell me about the Dolce and Gabbana show. That is such an amazing job for you to have gotten.”

Rey grinned. “Gladly.”

**london - october**

When Rey returned from Paris, Finn and Rose brought over their traditional breakfast to exchange stories of their experiences. But when they told her that Snap had approached them for information the same way that he had approached Ben, Rey finally allowed herself to process the one thought that she’d had since Snap had started constantly asking her to move in or tell him that she loved him.

Snap was insecure and needy.

Rey had done the insecure and needy thing before. She’d ended up in tiny bits of nothing because of it. She was not going to let that happen again.

Still, she tried to convince herself that she was overreacting, that there was more to their relationship than Snap’s flaws. She should accept them and he should accept hers because that was how relationships worked. You accepted each other fully.

Rey would never fully give herself over to Snap though and she knew it.

When one of Ben’s emails came in the middle of them eating dinner, Rey paused to read it and reply. It wasn’t a personal one this time but a question about whether she would be available for a photoshoot the week before Christmas. Rey knew she had nothing scheduled so she wrote back that she would, and when she turned back to Snap, she could tell he was furious. “What?”

“You spend more time answering his fucking emails than you do with me,” Snap said, and suddenly Rey’s tolerance for all of this broke.

“I cannot deal with this jealousy bullshit,” she said seriously. “I cannot deal with this asking people about me behind my back bullshit. I know you asked Finn and Rose. I know you asked Ben. I cannot handle being with someone so fucking insecure because I’ve gone down that road before and I know where it leads, and the last time it shattered me. I will not let that happen again. So, I’m sorry, but this is over.”

Snap stared at her in shock. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“But Rey...I just want to know that you feel the same way I do.”

“I don’t,” Rey said bluntly. “I don’t know what I’ve been doing for the past few months but I can’t take any more of this.”

“Rey.”

“I will not under any circumstances end up where I was before. It took me four years to recover enough to feel like having a relationship. I will not experience that again.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you,” Snap started but Rey just shook her head. 

“You’re not going to change my mind,” she said firmly. “I’d like you to leave please.”

Snap sat there for a moment before angrily throwing his napkin on the table and standing. “I don’t know what I ever saw in you. It’s clear that you’re nothing but a cold-hearted bitch.”

He grabbed his coat and walked out of the room, and Rey heard the door slam shut a few moments later. She closed her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths before going to her cabinet and grabbing the bottle of vodka and a shot glass. A couple shots of vodka later, Rey pulled the laptop in front of her, opened up a blank email, and started writing.

_Ben,_

_I just ended things with Snap. He’s too insecure and needy and I will not go down that road again. The motherfucking dick was that way too, and that led him into the arms of others when I wouldn’t give into his demands, and I just will not do this again. I will not let that happen again. So it’s over._

_Thank you again for telling me about Milan. He approached Finn and Rose for info too. I’ve known for a long time that he wasn’t the perfect fit, but I guess I was afraid of being alone. But no more._

_Just wanted to let you know._

_Rey_

She had another shot of vodka before she was alerted to a response, and when she saw what Ben wrote, it made her smile. 

_Rey,_

_I am so sorry that it’s come to this. I know how happy he used to make you. I always liked seeing you that happy, especially after everything you’ve gone through. I assume you’re drinking something right now, so consider your glass clanked with my glass of whiskey as we celebrate moving on from relationships that either were or could have been disastrous. We’re both free now, just like you always told me I should be, and I hope that you learn to love that freedom instead of dwelling on loneliness._

_You have better days ahead of you, and you will find that perfect fit someday. I just know it._

_Ben_

Two more shots later, she responded.

_Don’t be sorry. It’s been building and building to this and tonight was just the last straw. I should have done this a long time ago truthfully._

_I’m sorry that I had to hurt him, and I’m going to miss him and the sex, but I will not go down that road again. Ever since I found out about his seeking out info on me, I’ve felt like I was back in the same situation that I used to be, and it has made me more than a little uncomfortable. But you’re right. Now I’m free. I’m going to enjoy this freedom._

Three shots later, she had a reply.

_I want to know who it is that hurt you._

Rey just shook her head. 

_How many times must I tell you that I’m not naming names?_

Another two shots later, there was an email from Ben in her inbox.

_Fine. If you ever want to get out of London and just hang out with a friend, my door is open. I don’t have a guest bedroom but I’m more than willing to give up my bed and sleep on the sofa while you’re here._

Rey emailed back thanks for the offer and then grabbed the vodka, dropping down onto her sofa and drinking straight from the bottle. She was going to get drunk, and then she was going to call Finn and Rose, and then she was going to contemplate what exactly freedom was going to look like for her. 

She was going to make the most of this freedom.

**new york - november**

The redesign of Rey’s shirt was still going horribly. Every sketch that had some promise ended up not being feasible because of the limited amount of fabric available to him, and trying to create a design that could use that amount of fabric kept coming out entirely too provocative and was immediately scrapped.

He didn’t want Rey to think he was trying to sexualize her.

He’d finally been able to come up with some sketches that weren’t just repurposed designs from Rey’s shirt or his terrible attempts at designing an unrestrictive, fashionable coat. He could tell that he was starting to have a new muse, but he wasn’t entirely sure who or what that muse was. It was definitely not Kaydel anymore. He was certain of that. He’d reached a point where she wasn’t the first thing he thought of in the morning and the last thing he thought of at night, and he was becoming amazed with how many days would pass without him thinking of her at all. 

That, he supposed, was what getting over someone and moving on was all about.

When Zorii came over to offer up a new opinion on Ben’s sketches for Rey’s shirt, Poe lost it. “I need you fucking focused on the clothes the label actually sells, not some piece of shit shirt that you think you can transform into the greatest thing in the history of fashion.”

Ben just rolled his eyes. “I do not think I can do that. I just think I can improve it.”

“I’ll tell you how to improve it,” Poe said seriously. “Throw it in the trash and work on something fucking important.”

Ben realized that something was needed to placate Poe, at least for a little while, so he picked up his sketchbook and walked over to his workstation. “Here.”

He opened it to the right page and then Poe flipped through the few designs that Ben had done, and when he looked up at Ben, he had a grin on his face. “These are amazing.”

“You think?” Ben asked, nervous. “Because it’s been so long since I’ve actually designed something, and I am just not sure.”

Zorii moved over to look at the sketches too, and she gave Ben a wide smile. “They’re brilliant, Ben. I can’t wait to get to work on mockups of them.”

Ben took a deep breath and smiled. He was actually starting to contribute again. It had only taken a little over a year.

“I think it’s going to still be a slow process to get back to full creativity,” Ben said. “And you two are going to be carrying the collection for the February shows, but I am hoping to be back on track for the September shows next year.”

“That sounds fantastic,” Poe said, looking over at Zorii. “So I guess we better get to work on sketches.”

“Already have a ton,” Zorii said. “I’ll go grab my sketchbook and we can talk about them.”

Zorii walked away and once Ben thought she was out of earshot, he turned to Poe. “Ready to admit that you’re in a relationship yet?”

“Fuck off,” Poe said. “You know why I’m not.”

“You’re not your parents, Poe,” Ben said as he took his sketchbook back. “Just remember that.”

Zorii came back a few moments later and Ben watched as she and Poe started to go through some of her designs. That situation was just waiting to explode, and Poe could deny it all he wanted to, but Ben knew Zorii wouldn’t be the only one hurt once it did.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear lord, I am sorry for how long this has taken. Writer’s block is the biggest bitch. Hopefully turning the corner now.

**new york - december**

Ben was walking around a charity event trying to make sure no one he knew saw him when Jessika Pava walked up next to him and laughed. “Ben Solo, trying to hide as per usual.”

Ben turned and gave her a hug. “Never from you though.”

“Always from me,” Jessika laughed. “How are you doing, Ben? It’s been a while.”

“I’m good,” Ben said, and for once he actually meant that. “I think I’m finally recovered from everything that cheating bitch did to me.”

Jessika smiled. “Now I really know that you’re good if you’re referring to her like that.”

“I’m just done with the bullshit and I’m never dating a model again,” Ben said seriously. “How are you?”

“I am fine because I have just the right woman to set you up with.”

“Fuck no,” Ben said seriously. “I may be over her but that does not mean I’m ready for another relationship.”

“Surely you would at least want some sex.”

“I’ve had plenty of sex, thank you very much.”

Jessika leaned into his side. “A little friends with benefits, huh?”

“More like friends with benefits but we’re not actually friends,” Ben said. “I met her at a club, we both agreed to fuck a lot but with no strings attached, and I ended it just before Thanksgiving. Its help to me had run its course.”

“So long as you’re doing what’s healthy for you, honey,” Jessika said, hearing her name. “You’re sticking around for the auction, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then I’ll see you later,” Jessika said, walking away. 

Ben looked around the room again, seeing a bunch of people that he knew but didn’t want to talk to, and then his eyes landed on Rey.

Rey, who was supposed to be in London.

Rey, who in no way should be part of a charity auction of New York-based industry people.

So Ben was confused.

She was hanging out in a corner by herself when Ben approached her, and the smile she gave him let him know that she was grateful that he was there. “Hi.”

“Hello,” Ben replied. “I was not expecting to see you at this. Did you come with someone?”

Rey shook her head. “No. I donated something to the auction and I am here to find out who buys it. I’ll be working with them so I’m curious.”

Ben gave Rey a confused look. “This is an auction for New York-based people. How on earth did they let you be part of this?”

“Because I am now New York-based,” Rey said, looking over at him. “I was going to tell you about it at the photoshoot tomorrow. And you might be getting some mail with my name on it because I don’t have an address yet and things needed to be sent over here.”

Ben broke out into a wide smile. “You’re moving to New York?”

“Technically, I moved here on Monday,” Rey said. “Though I am going to have to make some trips back to London to get everything shipped over here once I have an apartment to put it all in.”

“Ship it to my place,” Ben offered. “It can sit in my living room until you have a place of your own.”

“You’d really be okay with that? I mean, I’ve sort of already hijacked your mailbox.”

“Rey, you can store your stuff at my place. It’s fine.” 

Rey gave him a thankful smile. “Then I will get that all shipped over then.”

“If you want any help apartment hunting, let me know. I got pretty good at it when I was looking for mine,” Ben said. “And if you want help picking out furniture, I suggest Zorii. She helped me because I was clueless.”

Rey laughed. “I will keep that in mind.”

“So, are you going to be purchasing anything this evening?” Ben asked.

“Fuck no,” Rey said, shaking her head. “This stuff will all be way too expensive for me.”

“If there was something that you’d want, what would it be?” Ben asked.

Rey thought about it for a moment. “That Jessika Pava dress. It’s gorgeous.”

Ben filed that information away in his mind. “That really is stunning. Just wait until you see this one Zorii designed for our next collection. I think Poe about lost his mind when he saw her wearing it.”

Rey chuckled. “He admitted they are in a relationship yet?”

“Nope.”

“I don’t think Zorii is going to wait much longer. I know I wouldn’t.”

“I completely agree with that.” Ben looked up when a man announced that the auction was about to commence. “Would you like to sit next to me?”

“I would greatly appreciate that.”

They found seats and Ben pulled his phone out of his pocket, quickly logging into his bank app and checking his balance. It was lower than he thought it would be but he was so helpless with math that he had probably miscalculated it again. Still, he now had a number in his head for how high his bid could go. 

He just hoped it didn’t go any higher than that.

The original Solo Dameron dress that Poe had designed went for a much higher price than Ben had been expecting, and listening to the people around him talk about how the label was one to watch out for made Ben very, very happy. He sent Poe a text with how much the dress had gone for and who won it, and all he got in return was the wide-eyed shocked emoji, so he was pretty sure Poe felt the same way he did.

Rey was very pleased with the reception to her free makeup tutorial and when they worked out the woman who won the bid was Jessika, Rey got very excited.

When the Jessika Pava dress came up for sale, Ben heard Rey sigh next to him and prayed again that they wouldn’t outbid what he would be able to offer. Bidding started and he raised his paddle, and it took Rey a moment to figure out what he was doing. “Ben,” she whispered. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” Ben whispered back. “Besides, it’s for charity.”

It did not matter that he’d be broke until next summer, most likely. He wanted to buy Rey that dress.

As the bidding went higher, Ben started to get nervous, but then came the moment when he was the highest bid and no one was offering to go higher. He held his breath until the auctioneer declared it sold, and then he turned to Rey with a big smile on his face. “Merry Christmas.”

“Ben,” Rey breathed out, “that was entirely too much money you just spent.”

“And as I said before, it was for a good cause. I’m not concerned about how much it cost.”

Well, he was, but he wasn’t going to tell Rey that.

“Thank you,” Rey finally said. “I will treasure that dress now. I just hope that it fits.”

“If it doesn’t, let me know and I’ll get Jessika to alter it for you.”

Rey smiled at him. “I will do so.”

They turned their attention to the rest of the auction, and by the time it was over, they both agreed that the evening had been far more tolerable because they were together than it would have been if they had gone through it separately. 

Once they were outside of the building and about to part ways, Ben turned to Rey. “I’ll see you tomorrow for the shoot.”

“Sounds good,” Rey said, turning to walk away. 

“Rey!” Ben called out. “One more thing!”

“What?”

“Congratulations!”

Rey turned to look at him. “For what?”

“Moving to New York!”

Rey gave Ben the biggest smile. “Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When Ben checked his mail once he got home, he found three letters addressed to Rey mixed in with his own stuff, and so he started to make two piles on the kitchen counter. One for him and one for Rey.

He went to bed trying to ignore how warm that made him feel. Rey was a friend. Nothing more.

**new york - january**

Poe came back from visiting his family in a decidedly depressed mood, and after a week of it, Zorii snapped. “Fucking tell me what is wrong.”

“I can’t,” Poe murmured, trying to turn his attention back to his sketchbook. 

Zorii stood there and decided she had no choice but to do it. “I know that your parents have something to do with why you’re so reluctant to admit that we’re in a relationship and since you just went back to see them for the holidays, I’m guessing they’re the reason why you’re so depressed. So fucking tell me what’s wrong.”

“My parents have nothing to do with this.”

“Bullshit.”

Poe turned his attention back to his sketchbook and Zorii suddenly had just had enough. “If you don’t start admitting that we’re in a relationship, then we’re done.”

“I don’t want to lose you, Zorii.”

“Then you know what you have to do.”

Poe sat there breathing heavily. He didn’t want to lose her. But he couldn’t put that label on it either. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

Zorii felt her heart sink into her stomach and she closed her eyes. “Then we’re through,” she made herself say. “I just can’t do this anymore.”

“I know,” Poe said, trying to ignore the way tears were building in his eyes. “And I don’t blame you for leaving. You deserve so much better than me.”

Zorii collected her coat and her purse before turning to look at Poe again. “Maybe, but you were what I wanted. I love you.”

She stood there for one more moment before turning and leaving.

Once Zorii was gone, Poe set his sketchbook down and went into his bedroom. He collapsed down onto his bed, tried to ignore how much his chest ached, and then buried his head under his pillow.

He didn’t even want to let his empty room see him cry.

**new york - february**

Rey was starting to feel settled into New York life by the time that the fashion week circuit rolled around, and she was busier than she had ever been before. Her first two months of living in New York had nearly tripled the amount of money she’d been making per month, and while she was now a long way away from her two friends, the money made it worth it. 

She wasn’t just barely getting by anymore.

When the Solo Dameron show came up on Thursday, Rey arrived early to find Ben sitting in a chair at the makeup center, sketching away. “Hey you.”

Ben looked up at her with a smile. “Hey. I wasn’t expecting you to be here this early. I can move.”

“No, don’t worry about that,” Rey said. “I’ll work around you until I need that chair.”

Rey walked around to the other side of the center and set her stuff down. “What are you sketching?”

“Something for the label,” Ben said. “If Poe goes along with it, I think this could be a bold new direction for us.”

“You don’t think Poe will go along with it?”

“I think Poe has been constantly drunk since right after New Year’s and if he fucks this up today, I’m going to fucking kill him.”

“I’m sure it won’t come to that.”

“I’m not.”

“So I take it the drunkenness means that he’s not taking the end of things with Zorii very well,” Rey said. 

“Oh no, he’s miserable as fuck. And he could get her back by just admitting that they were in a relationship, but he’s too much of an idiot to do that.”

“She’s only going to wait for him to change his mind for so long.”

“I know,” Ben sighed. “And then if he doesn’t, I’m afraid she’s going to leave the label. And that would be a disaster. We’re finally making money and that is mainly because of Zorii’s collection.”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that then.”

“Me too,” Ben said, turning to another page in his sketchbook.

He drew as he talked idly with Rey about the show that afternoon, his fears about it not going well, and how he kept telling Jessika he needed to meet the right person before he could even contemplate moving on. When Rey finally made it to the chair where Ben was sitting, he held the sketchbook close to his chest as he stood. “Wanna see?”

“Yeah!” Rey said, excited.

Ben handed the sketchbook over and Rey nearly dropped it. There on the page was not some fancy design that Rey would be seeing on the catwalk in September. It was a simple portrait of her, but it was also the most amazing thing she’d ever seen. 

“You like it?” Ben asked nervously.

“I love it,” Rey said, smiling at him. “I didn’t even realize that you were drawing me. You did that fast.”

Ben knew he should admit that he’d drawn half of it from his memories over the past week. He didn’t. “I’m glad that you like it. I’ll get it framed and you can have it.”

Rey handed the sketchbook back to Ben while shaking her head. “No, you don’t need to do that. It’s enough that I’ve seen it.”

“I drew it for you to have,” Ben said, ignoring the fact that was a lie. “I want you to have it.”

“Between this and the dress, it’s too much, Ben,” Rey said, but Ben just smiled. 

“It’s really not. And I’m giving you the sketch whether you like it or not.”

“Well, in that case, thank you,” Rey said, glancing at the clock. “I need to get back to work.”

“Of course,” Ben said, stepping away from the chair. “I’ll see you at the after-party tonight?”

“Absolutely.”

As Ben walked away, all he could think about was that he was in so much trouble if he kept thinking of Rey the way he was. She was a friend. She would only want to be friends.

Nothing more.


	11. Chapter 11

**london - february**

Ben walked into the venue for the show to find Snap taking pictures of the setup, and fuck, he really didn’t want to deal with this. “Snap. It’s good to see you.”

Snap looked his way and laughed bitterly. “Oh look, it’s the man who stole my girl away from me.”

“Excuse me?” Ben said, thoroughly confused. 

“If you think I don’t know that you were fucking Rey behind my back then you are sorely mistaken,” Snap said, turning his attention back to taking pictures.

“Rey and I are just friends,” Ben said, shaking his head. “And if you knew Rey at all you would know that she would never do that to anyone she was dating. And I wouldn’t do that to someone either.”

“Sure,” Snap said, rolling his eyes. “She dropped fucking everything every time you emailed. You constantly hired her despite her skills only being marginal at best. Sure you weren’t fucking her. Sure.”

“Look, you can believe that all you want,” Ben said, sighing. “But you lost Rey all on your own.”

“I have never heard such bullshit in my life,” Snap said bitingly. “Just admit you were fucking my girl already and then leave me the fuck alone. If this job wasn’t for such a big publication, I’d walk out on it right now. I don’t want to photograph your fucking shit clothes with makeup done by that cheating bitch. Your shit doesn’t deserve attention anyway.”

“Well, say how you really feel, why don’t you?” 

They turned to see Rey standing there, and Snap just let out a laugh. “Let me guess, you left the hotel at slightly different times to make it look like you weren’t leaving it together.”

“Snap, you have no idea what you’re talking about,” Rey said, shaking her head. “No idea.”

“Do you really honestly think I can’t tell that you’re fucking him?” Snap threw at her. “It’s all so obvious in hindsight. You were supposed to be falling in love with me but instead, you were falling in love with him through emails.”

“You have no idea what you’re fucking talking about,” Rey said, her voice hard. 

Snap let out a bitter laugh. “Just admit that you’re fucking already, you fucking bitch.”

Ben and Rey stood there as Snap stormed out of the room. Rey was blinking rapidly as she tried to process Snap’s words and Ben wanted nothing more than to comfort her as best he could, but he had no idea how to do so. “I’m sorry,” he eventually said. “I didn’t know he was working on anything surrounding the show.”

“You have nothing to apologize for,” Rey said, swallowing hard. “It’s not your fault.”

Ben went to speak again but then Rey turned to him. “Can you please give me a hug?”

“Of course,” Ben said, walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her. 

Rey settled into his embrace and took comfort from him, eventually sucking in a shuddering breath. “The model, the motherfucking dick, he was always convinced that I was sleeping around on him, so he did that to me. I don’t know who all it is he cheated on me with, but I do know that he would go around accusing me of cheating on him with every single man that I spoke to. So what Snap just said has brought back some memories that I didn’t want to ever relive.”

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Ben murmured, tightening his embrace. “You never should have had to remember that.”

“It’s not your fault,” Rey said. “It’s Snap’s.”

Rey pulled back and gave Ben a smile he could only describe as sad. “Thank you.”

Rey walked towards the back as Ben stood there thinking about what Snap had said. He tried to tell himself that he needed to forget about it and move on, they were only friends. 

But he’d never held Rey in his arms before, and now that he knew what she felt like when wrapped up in his embrace...she felt so right there.

Ben sucked in a few deep breaths before heading into the back as well. Rey clearly needed a friend at that moment, and if all he could do was sit there and listen to her complain about the models from the last show she’d worked, then that was what he was going to do.

He was not going to think about how Snap thought that they were fucking.

Nope. 

Absolutely not.

Fuck, he was in so much trouble.

**milan - february**

Zorii was dancing with someone else.

It was all Poe could think about, all he could focus on. Zorii, his Zorii, was dancing with someone else.

And then he paused and reminded himself that she wasn’t his anymore and that it was his own fault that she wasn’t.

He was most of the way through a bottle of vodka when Jessika came and sat down next to him. He knew he should greet her, he knew he should engage in conversation, but all he could do was stare at the dancefloor and watch Zorii be touched by someone else.

He’d never hated himself more than at that moment.

“Hey,” Jessika said, following Poe’s gaze until she saw Zorii. “You did something tremendously stupid, didn’t you?”

Poe didn’t say anything, so Jessika continued. “And this tremendously stupid thing clearly wasn’t with me, so what did you do?” 

“I love her,” Poe said without thinking. “And I can’t tell her.”

Jessika sighed, suddenly understanding what this was all about. “You’ve admitted to yourself that you love her and that’s good, but that means you’re going to have to tell her that you do,” she said softly.

“I think she would have been happy if I’d just said we were in a relationship.”

“You didn’t do that?”

“No.”

“You do realize that saying you’re in a relationship with someone when you quite clearly are in a relationship with that person is kind of important, right? I mean, your reluctance to say it cost you ours. You shouldn’t let it cost you one that is clearly better for you than ours ever was.”

Poe reached out and poured himself another shot, knocking it back. “I talked to my father about her.”

“And what did Kes say?”

“He told me that I needed to forget about what happened between him and Shara and realize that I’m my own person that is capable of a much healthier relationship than theirs was.”

“I think that’s some good advice,” Jessika said, smiling at him when Poe looked at her. “What do you think?”

“I think I’m so fucking mad at myself for not being able to push past this because Zorii is so amazing, Jess. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“Then you should listen to your father and figure this out quickly because a woman will only wait for so long,” Jessika said, leaning to kiss him quickly before standing up and walking away.

Poe turned his attention back to the dancefloor where Zorii was still dancing and as he watched her, all he could do was wonder if he was ever going to let himself be happy.

**paris - february**

Rey had been sticking close to Ben ever since their encounter with Snap in London, so when she suggested that they just walk to the venue on the day of the show, Ben was intelligent enough to realize that the right thing to do was say yes. They were about four blocks down the street when the snow started to fall, and Rey looked over at Ben and realized that he wasn’t wearing a coat. “Do you still have a thing against coats even when it’s snowing?”

“I told you, I find them too restrictive and unfashionable.”

“How are you coming on designing one that is the opposite then?”

“Absolutely nowhere,” Ben said honestly. “I sort of gave it up when I was able to start coming up with some sketches again. I’ll come back to it eventually.”

“You should get Zorii to help you with it,” Rey said. “She loves coats.”

“She said she’d be willing but since I haven’t been working on it, she hasn’t been working on it, and since she’s probably going to end up leaving the label soon, I don’t want to bother her with it.”

“You really think that she can’t resolve things with Poe?”

“It’s not her that needs to do anything. It’s the fucking moron whose name is on the label with mine that needs to change, and that’s next to impossible.”

Rey shook her head and kept walking, but she noticed after a moment that Ben was no longer walking next to her. She looked back at him and he was staring straight ahead at something, so Rey turned and saw Kaydel and Beaumont headed their way. 

Well, fuck.

She could tell by Ben’s body language that he hadn’t seen her in person in a very long time, and so she hurried back to him, linking her fingers together with his. “Play along,” she said quietly. “Turn and look at the shop window.”

Ben’s eyes were wild but he did as Rey asked him to do, and when Kaydel and Beaumont were within earshot, Rey spoke loudly. “Ready to go, honey? We’ve got to get to the venue.”

She squeezed Ben’s hand as he turned to look at her, and then a genuine smile crossed his face. “Yeah, baby,” he said. “Let’s get inside. You must be freezing.”

“Says the man not wearing a coat,” Rey laughed, and they started walking again, right past where Kaydel and Beaumont were frozen in place, staring at the two of them in shock. 

Ben grinned once they were past them, and the grin stayed on his face all the way to the venue, and then it was still on his face once they were inside. Ben was hugging Rey before he could stop himself, but Rey didn’t seem to mind, which made Ben feel a little better about it. 

“Thank you so much for doing that for me,” he murmured. “You didn’t have to.”

“More than happy to help you show that bitch that you’re moving on,” Rey said, biting her tongue so she didn’t say more. “You deserve so much better than her.”

“I think that I finally believe that,” Ben said, letting go of Rey and stepping back. “I’m going to go check on the clothes and then I’ll come to sit at the makeup center and keep you company.”

“Sounds good to me.”

As they walked into the back and went their separate ways, Ben was once again reciting the phrases that he was starting to need on repeat in his head. Forget about it. Move on. Only friends. Can’t fuck that up because he needs Rey too much. Over and over and over, the phrases tumbled through his brain, and by the time that he ended up at the clothes, he’d calmed himself down enough to be able to concentrate on what he needed to instead of on the fact that Rey calling him honey had done all sorts of things to his brain.

Or maybe he was just going to think about her doing that while checking the clothes for any lines that needed to be steamed out. 

Fuck, he was in so much trouble.

**new york - march**

Finn’s job in New York came at the perfect time for Rey because she really needed to talk to someone she trusted. Rose had come to the city with him, and she asked Rose to stay behind while Finn went to the photoshoot. Once the door to Rey’s apartment closed and Finn was gone, she turned to Rose. “I have a major problem.”

“What could you possibly have a major problem with?” Rose said, sitting down at the kitchen table. “This apartment is fantastic and your career is taking off.”

Rey sat down across from her. “I’m falling for someone that I absolutely cannot have. In fact, I think I’ve been falling for him for a long time.”

“Oooh,” Rose said, intrigued. “Who is it?”

Rey took a deep breath. “Ben.”

“Ben Solo?” Rose asked and when Rey nodded, Rose broke out into a grin. “That is amazing.”

“No, it’s not,” Rey groaned. “I cannot have him.”

“Why do you think you can’t have him?” Rose asked. “Because I see no reason why you can’t have him.”

“We’re friends, just friends, and we can’t ever be more, which is why this is a major problem.”

“Rey, friends turn into lovers all the time,” Rose pointed out. “So why do you think that you can never be more than friends with him?”

“I just don’t think that he would be interested in turning our relationship into something more romantic.”

“Rey, stop avoiding my question. Why do you think that?”

Rey leaned back in her chair and sighed. “I just...I’m nowhere anywhere near her league.”

Rose sat there for a moment before shaking her head. “You think that you and Ben can never be more than friends because you’re not Kaydel Connix, the woman you’ve just spent nearly two years talking him through getting over.”

“I know you think it’s ridiculous but…”

“Three things. One, Kaydel is a bitch. That has been well established. Two, you are way more gorgeous than Kaydel is. And three, don’t you think that Ben might want someone who is nothing like Kaydel, just like how you want someone who is nothing like that motherfucking dick?”

“Alright, I concede that I see your points. But I am just certain that Ben would never want me like that.”

Rose studied her for a moment. “What brought this on?”

Rey closed her eyes and told Rose about their encounters with both Snap and Kaydel and Beaumont during the past month. “Being in Ben’s arms felt so right, Rose. Like it just made something in my brain think that we fit together perfectly.”

“So does that mean that being with Ben is something that you’d really want?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said honestly. “I’m so wary, Rose, and after this Snap debacle, I’m even warier.”

“I think you need to figure it out then. And if it’s what you want, then talk to Ben about it.”

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

“If you two are as good of friends as you always say you are, then I’m pretty sure that you won’t.”

“I don’t know,” Rey started, but Rose shook her head. 

“If you think it felt like you fit together perfectly, then you owe it to yourself to at least have a conversation with him.”

“Let’s say for a moment that I talk to him and he wants to give it a try,” Rey said after a moment. “What happens when Snap finds out? He’s going to think that he’s right about me cheating on him and I don’t like that.”

“You should not be giving a fuck about what that man thinks after that shit,” Rose said seriously. “He ruined your relationship on his own.”

“But what if he’s right about part of it,” Rey said. “What if I’ve been slowly falling for Ben through these emails the entire time? What if I never gave Snap a fair chance because of it?”

“Maybe you have been falling for Ben the whole time. But the truth is that you did give Snap a fair chance, he showed the type of person he really is, and you’re better off having broken up with him than you would have been if you hadn’t.”

“I don’t know.”

“Rey, I’m being serious. You’re better off without him and you already know that.”

Rey took a deep breath. “You’re right. I know you’re right.”

“Good,” Rose said, pondering something. “Have you told Ben who the motherfucking dick is yet?”

Rey shook her head. “I don’t know how he’d feel about it.”

“He deserves to know that it’s that motherfucker Beaumont Kin, especially if you two are going to take your friendship to the next level.”

“You’re right about that too,” Rey mused. “I’ll think about everything. But talk to me about something else now.”

Rose started talking about how she and Finn were talking about maybe moving back to New York and Rey did her best to pay attention, but she could not get her mind off of Ben.

She had a lot to think about.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of these days, the writer's block will fully lift, and this will get finished in a timely manner. but for now, here is a chapter.

**new york - april**

Rey was barely inside Finn and Rose’s apartment when Rose turned to her with a grin. “So, have you talked to Ben yet?”

“Fuck off,” Rey said, looking around. “Where’s Finn?”

“Oh no, there will be no questions answered until you tell me that you’ve talked to Ben.”

“Talked to Ben about what?” Finn asked as he came into the room. “I thought Rey talked to Ben all the time.”

“I do,” Rey said, giving Finn a hug. “It is great to see you, Finn. I’ve missed you so much.”

“Missed you too,” Finn said, pulling back to smile at her. “But you needed to talk to Ben about what?”

Rey looked over at Rose. “I’m surprised you didn’t tell him.”

“Because I thought that you’d talk to him quickly and then you could tell him yourself.”

“Tell me what?” Finn asked.

Rey sighed but Rose spoke up. “Rey’s falling hard for Ben.”

Finn grinned at her. “I think that’s great.”

“It’s really not,” Rey said, walking over to their sofa and collapsing onto it. “So tell me more about the party.”

“Fuck no, we’re talking about this,” Rose said, sitting down next to her. “The fact that you don’t think this is a good thing is ridiculous.”

“Wait, why wouldn’t this be a good thing?” Finn asked, confused. “I’d think this would be a great thing.”

“We’re just friends. Only friends,” Rey said, and Finn shook his head as he sat down.

“Rey, it is incredibly clear that you two are way too close to just be friends.”

“We are not,” Rey said firmly. “We are only friends.”

“There is also the fact that your relationship with Ben, whether it’s been friendship or not, is the longest relationship of any kind that you’ve had since the motherfucking dick.”

Rey wanted to dispute that but knew that she couldn’t. “That doesn’t matter.”

“You isolated yourself to the point that the only reason the three of us are still friends is that Rose and I were persistent and you realized you couldn’t get rid of us.”

“Fuck off. That’s not true.”

“Rey, you instigated this relationship with Ben all on your own. And yeah, maybe it’s not what you thought you’d done, but something made you listen to him that first night. Something made you offer to listen to him whenever he needed to talk. Something made you take the time to really get to know him,” Rose said. 

“He needed a friend,” Rey protested.

“It might have been the thought of just friendship, but that friendship long ago turned into companionship at the very least,” Finn said. “I mean, practically every time I talk to you, you’ve got something planned to do with him either that day or the next.”

“Basically what Finn is saying is that we’re not at all surprised that your relationship with Ben is now turning romantic,” Rose said. 

“There is no way that Ben could be feeling the same way I am though,” Rey tried, but Finn and Rose both shook their heads.

“You will never know if that’s the case unless you bring it up,” Finn replied. “And you need to bring it up.”

“That’s exactly what I told her when we were in New York but she clearly hasn’t been listening,” Rose said.

“I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” Rey tried again, but they shook their heads.

“If you never talk to Ben about it, you are ruining the chance that it could turn into something really, really good and long-lasting,” Rose said. “You’re the one who told me that you think you could fit perfectly with him, after all.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Rey said seriously. 

“Which means that you really need to talk about it,” Finn said. “Especially if you are thinking that you could fit perfectly with him.”

They were interrupted by the sound of Rey’s phone ringing, and she pulled it from her pocket, looked at the display, and then went out onto Finn and Rose’s balcony without saying a word. A smile on her face as she breathed in the cool night air, she answered it. “Ben.”

“Oh good, you’ve landed,” Ben said cheerfully. “I was just going to leave you a voicemail for when you had.”

Rey sat down in one of the chairs there and laughed. “What is so urgent, hm?”

“Well, for one thing, I need to get Finn and Rose’s contact information from you. Poe and I decided to hire them for the next photoshoot.”

“That is wonderful news,” Rey said, her smile widening. “Can I tell them about it or do you want me to wait until you’ve called?”

“No, you can tell them about it, but let them know that Amilyn will be calling soon to make it all work.”

“You hired her full-time yet?”

“She starts full-time on Monday, something that we are all very happy about. Things have been getting kind of crazy around here with all the business stuff and Poe and I are somewhat horrible at all of that.”

“You’re really not. Look at the label you’ve built for yourselves.”

“Trust me, that has required help from a lot of people,” Ben said seriously. “Secondly, I just wanted to talk to you. I miss you.”

“Ben, I’ve been gone for less than a day.”

“I know. Still doesn’t mean I can’t miss you.”

Rey felt her heart rate speed up a little. “Well, I miss you too. We should have breakfast at Maz’s once I’m back.”

“I’d like that a lot,” Ben said, and Rey told herself she was just making up the fact that his voice seemed to get softer. “I always like our breakfasts and we haven’t had one recently.”

“We’ve both been too busy,” Rey pointed out. “I’ve been dying to ask you how things went asking that girl from your building out.”

Ben coughed a few times. “I haven’t asked her out yet, actually. Kind of still working up the nerve.”

“You should,” Rey said. “I want you to be happy.”

“I want you to be happy too,” Ben responded.

“I’m working on that,” Rey said. “I’ve got to go, okay? Finn ordered food and it just got here.”

“Then I’ll talk to you soon. Enjoy your party.”

“I don’t know about that. I’m going to be thirty.”

“Says the woman to the man who just turned forty.”

Rey laughed. “Alright, alright, I get it. I’m not old.”

“Not until you catch up to me.”

“Impossible.”

“Exactly.”

Rey laughed. “Goodbye, Ben.”

Rey hung up to the sound of Ben’s laughter, and she took a few deep breaths before going back inside, trying not to think about how she wanted Ben to be happy with her, not some girl from his building.

**new york - may**

Ben was looking around the office for Poe when he spotted him sitting on the sofa, a bottle of tequila in hand, and he sighed heavily. Poe had clearly made some sort of big decision while he was at the office instead of waiting until he was at home, and Ben set his sketchbook down on the nearest table and walked over to him. Poe gave him a glance when he sat down before moving to take another drink, but Ben reached out and grabbed the bottle out of his hand before he could do so. 

“Talk,” Ben said seriously, putting the bottle on the floor out of Poe’s reach. 

Poe sat there for a few minutes without saying anything, but Ben knew that if he was patient, Poe would start talking, so he didn’t prompt him. “Ben,” he finally said. “Do you think it’s too late for me and Zorii?”

“I don’t know the answer to that,” Ben said honestly. “You’d need to talk to Zorii.”

“I’m trying to do as little talking to Zorii as I can,” Poe said.

Ben smacked him on the back of the head. “You need to start acting like a fucking man already, face up to your feelings, and then do something about it.”

“Fuck you. You’re one to talk.”

“Excuse me?”

“All this bullshit about me manning up and facing my feelings when you won’t even do the same. You’re a fucking hypocrite.”

Ben blinked. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You and the makeup artist,” Poe said, waving his hand around as though that explained things. “Rey.”

Ben sat there for a few moments before reaching for the tequila and taking a long drink from the bottle. “I didn’t know you’d picked up on that,” he eventually said, making Poe snort.

“It would have been a little hard not to.”

Ben sat there for a moment wondering if Rey knew if he was that obvious before shaking his head. “My situation is different. I don’t think Rey would ever go for me which is why I don’t want to say anything. I don’t want to ruin our friendship. But you know that Zorii would go for you which is why you should do something about it.”

“You’re an idiot,” Poe said, trying to snatch back the tequila and groaning when Ben moved it out of his reach again. “Come on, Ben, let me fucking have that.”

“No. Tell Zorii already.”

Poe sighed heavily. “I’ve talked to both Kes and Shara now and they have both told me that the only way I am ever going to be happy is if I admit that I’m not them. I’m part of them, but I’m not them.”

“Well, they’re right.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Poe muttered before continuing. “They are both confident in my abilities to have a perfectly healthy, long-lasting, loving, and committed relationship and they can both tell that I’ve met the one to do that with.”

“You should listen to them.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Why?” Ben asked. “And be fucking honest because I know that you want to.”

“I’m afraid that she’s going to leave in the end, just like Shara did,” Poe said quietly. 

“That is a risk that you have to take.”

“Then you should take a risk that Rey will still be your friend if she turns you down,” Poe replied. 

“Have you done any sketches recently?” Ben asked to change the subject.

Poe rolled his eyes. “You’re an idiot. But no, I haven’t.”

“You’re lucky I’m finally inspired again then,” Ben said, grabbing the tequila and leaving. 

He snatched his sketchbook up as he walked past it, sitting down at his workstation and flipping it open. The page it opened to was of a half-done drawing of Rey and Ben closed his eyes. It was just so he could see how she would look in the latest design he had for her shirt. That’s all it was.

Except it wasn’t.

He didn’t want to ruin his friendship with Rey. He needed her friendship so much.

But he was starting to think he needed to take the risk or else he’d go insane.

**london - june**

Poe buzzed Zorii’s apartment and asked her if he could come up, and the door to the building unlocked a moment later. He made his way up to her apartment and found her leaning against the doorway as he approached the door. She looked dressed up like she was about to go out and Poe’s heart ached for her. “Did I interrupt something?” he asked.

“I was getting ready to go out,” Zorii said, and Poe’s heart ached more. 

“Then I’ll leave you alone,” he said, turning around to leave.

“What do you want, Poe? You never just show up here out of the blue.”

“May I come inside?”

Zorii nodded and moved so Poe could enter her apartment, and he sat down on the sofa nervously. “So, what is it?”

Poe sat there for a moment before running his hands over his face and just saying it. “I love you.”

Zorii just stood there. “You love me.”

Poe nodded. “My example of love as a child was completely and totally fucked up though. My parents’ marriage was an epic disaster even though they would always try to tell me that they loved each other, even after Shara left. Since I am a product of them, I always assumed that meant that I was exactly like them. That I would only ever be capable of love the way that they had expressed it.

“The first woman who taught me that maybe I could be different was Jessika, and that’s why I’m so attached to her. I know that you hate that, but it is what it is. Jess was my girlfriend while I was in school, and we’d get each other on this creative level, but she always wanted more from me and I didn’t think I could give it to her. Before our relationship ended, she got the problem that I have with love out of me, and she told me that one day I was going to meet the right woman to push all that to the side for. The right woman to just let myself feel for.”

Poe paused and swallowed hard. “You’re that woman, Zorii. I’m just so unbelievably scared of putting myself in such a vulnerable position. It takes me straight back to my childhood and I hate it. I’m already hating the fact that I’m telling you all of this because it makes me feel so vulnerable. I just want you to understand that I want to give you the world but I’m not sure that I can. 

“You deserve so much better than what I’m capable of giving you and so I understand why things had to end. You need to be in a relationship where you feel like you’re the most important thing in the world, and I know that I didn’t make you feel that way. Fuck, I wouldn’t even tell you that we were in one when we quite clearly were. But I just came by because I thought you deserved an explanation.”

Poe got up and walked towards the door, and Zorii shook herself of her surprise and stopped him from leaving. “Poe,” she breathed out. “You really love me?”

Poe nodded. “I know it’s too late. I do. But I just…”

He was cut off by Zorii kissing him, and his arms slid around her waist and held her close. When they broke apart, Zorii gave Poe a smile that he knew that he lived for, and he couldn’t believe it was being directed at him. “I was getting ready to go out and start moving on,” she said, caressing the side of his face. “I was certain that this wasn’t going to happen.”

“I’m sorry it took so long, but I just…”

“You just needed time,” Zorii finished. “And I understand. But I’m so glad that you’re here now because I really didn’t want to go out and find someone who wasn’t you.”

“I’m sorry,” Poe started again, but Zorii kissed him deeply. 

“You’ve said everything that I need to hear, okay? At least for the moment.”

Poe nodded and Zorii grinned at him. “Like my dress?”

“I think you’re incredibly sexy in it,” Poe said, running his hands up her sides. “Is this silk?”

“Yes,” Zorii said. “I take great care not to wrinkle it.”

“I bet.”

“Which is why I’m going to hang it up before it ends up on the floor, okay?”

Poe’s eyes snapped back to hers. “What?”

Zorii just rolled her eyes. “Are you not interested in makeup sex? Because I’m very interested in makeup sex. It’ll be a lot better than the sex I was hoping to get tonight.”

Poe laughed and pulled Zorii into a passionate kiss, and she broke it only long enough to pull him into her bedroom and kick the door shut.


	13. Chapter 13

**new york - june**

Ben had just finished up an online order for groceries when he got a message that his debit card had been declined. Finding it strange that would happen for fifty dollars worth of groceries when for once he had a pretty accurate idea of what his balance was, he reached for his phone and pulled up his banking app, signing into it and then staring at his balance.

For twenty minutes.

Ben was bad at doing all the calculations that were required to accurately know how much money he had. He was the first to admit that. But he’d checked the balance the day before when he’d deposited his latest bunch of profits from the label, profits that for once were a pretty large amount, and so there should have been over two hundred thousand dollars in that account.

Not zero like the app said.

Ben took a deep breath and told himself to calm down. It was clearly an error with the app and the thing to do was call and report it. So he looked up the bank’s website, found a toll-free number to call, and then waited on hold for nearly forty minutes. When a woman finally came on the phone, she was very cheerful and said she needed to check some things about the account before she could report the error. Ben answered all of her questions, but then the woman sighed and Ben immediately knew something was wrong.

“I’m showing that the balance of the account is in fact zero,” the woman said. “The entire balance of the account was sent to an account at a different bank via a wire transfer at three o’clock this morning. Three o’clock on the dot from the looks of it.”

Ben’s throat went dry. “I didn’t do that. I didn’t authorize that. How could I have done that at three o’clock in the morning?”

“That is a very good question, Mr. Solo.” Ben could hear a few keystrokes happen. “I’m going to put you through to someone in the fraud department, okay?”

Ben expected to be on hold for nearly an hour again, but he found himself talking to a man in about five minutes. After going through the same steps he’d gone through with the woman to verify his identity, the man put him on hold. Then he was on hold for nearly twenty minutes and Ben thought he was going to lose his mind. That was every single penny that he had. If they couldn’t get him his money back…

“Mr. Solo, thank you for holding,” the man said. “I’ve just started an investigation into this and then escalated it to the highest possible level. We’re not looking at just a fraudulent withdrawal on your account, we’re looking at other things as well. Once the department is able to confirm the fraudulent behavior, then your money will be returned to you. But until that confirmation happens, I am unable to do that.”

Ben wanted to scream. “So I just have to survive without any money until you confirm that this is fraud? Seriously?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Solo, but there are procedures to follow in these situations, and these are part of those.”

Ben sighed heavily, thanked the man for his time, confirmed his number for a callback, and then hung up. He nearly hurled his phone at the wall in frustration before he stopped himself, that phone now the only way the fraud guy could get a hold of him and he could get his money back. He stared at his laptop and the declined notification, realized that he had nothing to eat and now no money to eat with, and then got up and headed to work.

Poe wasn’t in the office yet so Ben started to work on Rey’s shirt again. He looked through the designs he’d done for it before ripping them all up and deciding to start fresh. He concentrated on her beauty, the way that she felt in his arms, and then he started drawing. Before long, he was staring at a sketch and imagining how it would look on Rey, deciding that he finally had the right lines to look incredible on her body.

He looked through the pieces of her old shirt again and then started pinning together a mockup of the new design. As he pinned it together, he concluded that he was going to need a bit more fabric than he had available to him. So he went and got a piece of white fabric that was the same cotton-polyester blend as the shirt was, adjusting the mockup accordingly. 

It looked fantastic. Now it just all needed to be the same color.

Dyeing the fabric would be easy enough. But what color should he dye it too? Any color would be magnificent on Rey, but this shirt was for her and he didn’t know what color she would like. 

He quickly sent her a text, wanting to know what her favorite color that was not a shade of white, gray, or black was. A couple of minutes went by before he got a text back that made him smile.

Green would be perfect. Now, he had to pick the right shade.

Good thing he could test out various shades on the white fabric before he had to dye the old shirt.

**********

“You know, it was supposed to be your turn to buy lunch today,” Poe said seriously. “And since we just paid ourselves, I know you’ve got plenty of money to buy me a sandwich from the deli.”

Ben had not wanted to tell Poe that someone had stolen all of his money. He really hadn’t. But now he knew he had no choice but to. “So you know how I’m terrible at getting my balance right? My debit card declined when I went to buy groceries three days ago and when I checked the app and saw that the balance was zero, I thought it was an error with the app. I mean, I’d just put the profits in there the day before. Nope, not an error. Someone did a wire transfer and stole all my money.”

Poe stopped walking. “What?”

“I know, right,” Ben sighed, walking down the liquor aisle.

“You better have spoken with the fraud department,” Poe said, catching up with him. “Or else I’m going to kick your ass.”

“Yes, I spoke with the fraud department, idiot,” Ben said, grabbing a bottle of whiskey off the shelf. “I’m going to need you to pay for this.”

“That’s fine,” Poe said dismissively. “Do they have any idea who did this?”

“I don’t know and I suspect that they can’t tell me that if they did.”

“Did they ask you if anyone else ever had access to that account?”

Ben nearly dropped the bottle. “Fuck.”

“Fuck what?”

“Kaydel,” Ben murmured. “She would have known everything in order to do a transfer from my account. She used to do them for me when I would send money back home to Mama and Dad.”

Poe snatched the whiskey out of Ben’s hands. “Call the bank. Now.”

“Maybe someone robbed her and the information was amongst the stuff they took.”

“Or maybe it was just her.”

“Don’t fucking say that.”

“What?” Poe said. “It’s a possibility that you need to take into consideration.”

“She wouldn’t do that to me.”

“You used to think she wouldn’t cheat on you either.”

Ben connected the call and then wandered around the store with Poe while waiting. They were a couple of blocks down the street before someone came on the line, and once Ben had finished telling them that he had forgotten that his ex-girlfriend would have known all of the information necessary, the man put him on hold. Ben was getting infuriated with waiting so long and was about to start complaining about it to Poe when the man came back on the line.

“Mr. Solo? Was your girlfriend’s name at any time on the account?”

“Yes, it was, but I had it removed a while ago.”

“Can you confirm that name for me please?”

“Kaydel Connix,” Ben replied, and the man hummed. 

“Thank you, Mr. Solo. A detective from the Parisian police department will be calling you shortly.”

“What?” Ben’s eyes widened. 

“The bank that your money was transferred to is located in Paris,” the man explained. “Because of this, you need to speak with the Parisian police due to their investigation. I cannot tell you any more than that, I’m afraid.”

“Of course,” Ben said. “Thank you.”

“We will call you with any developments,” the man said, and then they hung up.

“Fuck,” Ben said as they walked back into the office. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“What is it?” Poe asked seriously, snatching the bags out of Ben’s hand and pushing him towards the sofa. “Talk.”

“I’m going to be getting a call from the Parisian police.”

Poe’s eyes widened. “What?”

“She lives in Paris now,” Ben breathed out. “She fucking lives in Paris now.”

Poe dropped to his knees in front of Ben as Ben buried his head in his hands. “Hey, that could not mean anything. It could just be a coincidence.”

“Poe, Ben, I don’t mean to interrupt,” came Amilyn’s voice, “but we have a situation involving the bank.”

“Fuck. I’ll handle this,” Poe said seriously, standing up and walking away with Amilyn. 

Ben sat there with his head in his hands until Poe came back, and only when he looked up did he realize that at least two hours had gone by. “Where the fuck did you go for so long?”

“The business account is empty,” Poe said. “I was on the phone with the fraud department. And while I was on the phone with them, I made it very clear to them who it was that helped us set up the account when we started the business.”

“Kaydel,” Ben murmured. “Fuck.”

“Why would she be doing this?” Poe asked. “She makes millions of dollars every year. What would she need our money for?”

“I don’t know,’ Ben said, his hands shaking. “Poe, if we don’t get our money back…”

“We’re getting the fucking money back,” Poe said firmly. “Do not think of anything but that.”

Ben nodded after a moment and Poe put a hand on his shoulder. “Take the rest of the day off and go see Rey.”

“She’s in the Cayman Islands,” Ben murmured. “Photoshoot for _Cosmo_.”

“Then call her.”

“I’ll call her later. I think the photoshoot is going on right now.”

“You’re an idiot,” Poe said, standing up. 

Ben stood and smacked Poe hard on the head. “Fuck off. I would like my whiskey before I go home, please.”

“Then come get it, but you better call Rey tonight.”

“Fuck off.”

**********

Ben woke to the sound of his phone ringing, and he answered it to find the Parisian police officer again. “Detective, it’s good to hear from you.”

“Mr. Solo, does the name Beaumont Kin mean anything to you?”

“That’s Kaydel’s new boyfriend,” Ben said, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “Why?”

“He was arrested along with Ms. Connix about an hour ago.”

Ben sat straight up in bed. “What?”

“Mr. Kin’s name was on the account that your money was transferred into, both personally and professionally. Several other transfers of large amounts of money were also made with this account, and then smaller transfers were made into an account with Ms. Connix’s name on it.”

Ben blinked several times as he tried to process that. “They’re both successful models,” he said. “Why would they do something like that?”

“We don’t have a motive beyond pure greed at this moment, but you and your business are not the only people that they did this to.”

“I’m starting to think that I don’t know Kaydel at all,” Ben said, and that made the detective chuckle. 

“I have heard the same thing from a number of people today, Mr. Solo. This gets passed onto the prosecutor’s office now. You may be receiving a phone call from them soon.”

Ben thanked the officer and they hung up. He ran his hands over his face, finally processed the thought that Kaydel was nothing but a motherfucking bitch, and then went to get in the shower.

He’d just finished getting dressed when he received a phone call from the man he’d been dealing with in the fraud department. 

“Mr. Solo, I am calling to let you know that as of approximately forty minutes ago, all fraudulently withdrawn funds from every transfer have been returned to both your personal and business accounts.”

Ben nearly passed out with relief. No more zero balance on either account. “Thank you.”

Then something occurred to him. “What do you mean, every transfer?”

“Our investigation into this turned up ten transfers between your business account and the account in Paris and thirty-five from your personal account as well.”

Ben almost dropped his phone. “What?”

“They have been stealing from your personal account for the last two years. The business account’s transactions were all done within the space of a week before the large transfer was done.”

“I thought I was just terrible at keeping my balance straight,” Ben said after a moment. “Awful at adding things up in my head.”

“You didn’t notice these in your transaction history on your statements?”

“I never look at my statements,” Ben said sheepishly. “Nor the transaction history on the app.”

“Might I suggest that you pay closer attention to that then? Situations like this could be caught quicker in the future.”

“I will be better about that,” Ben said seriously. “Thank you for everything.”

“It’s what we’re here for. Have a nice day, Mr. Solo.”

When Ben hung up the phone, he opened up the bank app to check his balance, knowing that he’d feel better once he saw it wasn’t zero anymore. What he found was that his balance had nearly quintupled what it had been the last time he’d seen actual money in there, and he let anger burn through him.

He had never hated Kaydel more than he did at that moment. Beaumont could fuck off as well.

But at least he could pay his rent and buy some food now.


End file.
